Those “Other” Questions

Today’s the fourth anniversary of Ask Leo!,
and that means it’s time to collect up some of the questions that you didn’t
see me answer. You’ll soon see why. We’ve got quite the bumper crop this
year.

As always, every question is a real question I’ve received via Ask Leo!
within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any
potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each “answer” is
the answer that I’d be oh-so-tempted to give…

[Warning: there may be “bad words” in some of the
questions. Y’all been warned.]

Enjoy.

•

heyy can u send me lots of dolly magazinz

No. But I know a place
where you might buy some.

I am M____ M____. My date of birth is 6th march 19__. I have
attended an interview on __th A___ 20__. I am very keen to get this job. I have
performed well in the interview. can you predict if I will get this job? I
really want to know the answer to that.

If you think I’m the one to ask, then I wouldn’t give you very
good odds.

give a one mail ask

No, I give a one mail answer, you give a one mail
ask.

what can i do to make my pimples go away?

Wait. Years if you have to, but just wait.

how internet changed the world?

From what I can tell, it has totally destroyed the English
language; particularly grammar.

How can I ask a girl that I like out on a date? ps i hope that
you answere me, i need advice

Pal, if you need to ask a computer geek how to ask a girl out,
you need a lot more than advice.

i am turning 16 on the 27th of september and i was wondering if
by law i am aloud to quit? do you no?

Yes. You can quit smoking, you can quit doing drugs, you can
quit using bad grammar, and you can quit asking the wrong people silly
questions. Ya no?

Is there a list of the $4 generic drugs

Probably. But it’s $5 drugs that get interesting.

who discovered the television?

Millions of people “discover” it every day.

location of ac filter in a 1990 chrysler lebaron

Sorry. Car Talk I ain’t.

am i going to live in london (asked 6 times in succession)

I hope so. Preferably without internet connectivity.

what is your name

Look at the URL, it has a clue.

i dont know where my clitoris is. ive looked everywhere
EVERYWHERE. i cant find it. i looked under the clitoral hood but its not there!
im thinking maybe im too young to have a fully developed one though but i dont
know please help me!

No way am I going to touchanswer that.

Leo…. you inspire me, i wish i could be as big of a left
nutted pussy with a bald scrotum. go with christ

Thank You. Indeed, you represent Christianity well.

what is christianity?

See the previous question for an example, I guess.

how long are female dogs in heat?

Jerome says “never
long enough”.

how can agricultural productivity be enhance in nigeria?

By redirecting all the manpower and effort that’s being put into
email scams sent to the rest of the planet.

is there school tomorrow for the northshore? Lostd of people do
not know if theres school tomorrow and i promise to tell my friends! Please!
(November 27, 2006)

Yes. Hope this answer got to you in time. (August 10, 2007)

when did the world begin

Any scientist will tell you that the world began at T(0).

plz can u give me some guidelines when u have a date.what do i
say?

What is it with people trying to ask a computer geek for dating
advice? It’s just so … wrong!

Is there any restriction to use the green ink pen? Who can use
and who cann’t? I think that only the gazatted officers can use?

I’m not gazatted, at least not lately, and I use one all the
time.

DO U FINK IT WILL SNOW AGAIN IN SOUTH EAST ENGLAND

No, I don’t fink.

WHERE IS BEYONCE? I`M FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

I’m sure she’s not all that pleased either. If I were her, I’d
be hiding.

How do we remove google?

The same way we removed Microsoft, I would assume. Oh, wait…
darn.

windows is the psyware !

Yes! Windows has psychic powers!

wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A 120VOLT AND A 230 VOLT?

The loudness of the “OUCH!”, and the number of swear words that
follow.

I am asking you a question about Louis Riel. Which side won the
debate?

Mackenzie, eh?

what was the percentage of childhood obesity in 1982 and in
1994? There was a significant change. Why is that?

You’re surfing it.

Do you like cheese???Is santa claus real?

You got that backwards. I like Santa Claus, and cheese is not
real.

do young people know how to create their own entertainment?

Apparently not.

If instructions require an average of 2.5 clock cycles to
execute, how many instructions are available for each pixel?

It depends on the size of the pixel. A small pixel will need
only a few instructions, while a large or extra-large pixel will require many.
Don’t even ask about Venti-pixels.

how do I change my actual address

Move?

what are three internal stimuli’s on penguins?

Sorry, no penguin porn here.

How many peasants are there in bolden

More than you can count.

Y iz it that my brother girlfriend iz a hoe

He’s dating a garden implement? Kinky.

what do you call the powerful current caused by conflicting
tides around the shetland and orkney islands

Dangerous.

Why did my last boyfriend tell me it waz over

I keep telling you, it’s all about the grammar and spelling.
Boys love it when you can speak and spell proper English.

i want text my girl on my computer

I’m sure you do. Just clean up after.

i am viewing too much porn sites.

What is this “too much porn” you speak of? I don’t
understand.

should you have a child or a dog first

Yes.

do you think ainura will came back to me

Nope.

there iz a boy in my class called william do u think he would go
out wid me he dose seam 2 keep smilein at me???

More asking for dating advice from a computer geek. Just be sure
you know why he’s smiling, ok?

my question was your first car ?

No, your question was not my first car.

who is sitting next to me?

No, Who’s on first.

is today going to be a good thing or bad thing?

Probably not.

should i get revenge on bf? he has been with anyone who has a
pulse but i loaned him money so ime keeping up the pretence i dnt know ime very
bitter i trusted him and loaned him my life saving because i though he loved me
i hav since found him on several sex sites he is paying be back slowly

It’s good to hear you have a pulse. I’d avoid revenge, just to
keep it that way.

what do i do after the writen part of a song like how do i make
it a song like singing and stuff

Find someone who does “singing and stuff” I guess.

are fat pictures illegal

Hardly. If they were, it’d be the death of home photography and
personal photo albums as we know it.

How do I pipe a girl

Again with the dating questions…. I hope.

Can you name all the places in the world that are to hot,to
cold,to dry,to wet, to highor to scary.

Uh … Fresno?

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT GUY

Probably only after it’s too late.

Do you always have to STERILIZE canning jars before you use them
again for canning?

Depends. How’s your health insurance?

I have a Kohler riding lawn tractor. What does the letters OHV
stand for, on the frount of the engine?

Sorry, the only Kohler I’m familiar with makes
devices that you ride at home.

Have you ever smoked marijuana before?

Actually I have not. Unlike, it appears, many people who ask me
questions.

plas dont send me any things

OK, I wan’t.

What happens when your brain falls out?

See all the previous questions.

WHY DO SOME LEOS THINKS ABOUT SEX MOST OF THE TIMES?

Apparently my wife discovered how to ask a question, and then
tried to disguise it with bad grammar. Nice try, dear.

•

Prior Years

• 2006: Another year of odd
  ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn’t
  See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?