Setting an example? Really?
My primary responsibility right now is to myself, to recover. That means physically (strengthening ambulation, improved balance, manual dexterity, etc), as well as psychologically, mainly via the written word.
In reality, though, the responsibilities go further. Much further.
In “Put On Your Own Mask First,” I talk about how important it is to take care of yourself to be there for others. If you’re incapacitated, it doesn’t matter how much you want to help someone else; you simply cannot, and you both suffer.
Over the past months and years, we’ve been trying to assist others in various ways. Now, much of that has had to take a hiatus while I focus on reestablishing my own capabilities. It’s frustrating (and, honestly, it’s really made me feel like I’d let some important people in my life down), but it’s a clear priority.
I also realized something else: I have a responsibility to set an example.
Details are inappropriate, but there are people in my life who have experienced less-than-stellar examples of recovery. They’ve witnessed people’s health experiences only to see the target of that experience fall into what I can best term “learned helplessness”, rather than active participation in their own recovery.
This was brought home to me when I saw how some reacted as I insisted on refusing small acts of kindness. I did so not out of hubris, but because the acts being replaced were important to my recovery. For example, I asked a friend not to open a soda can for me, but to let me work on redeveloping the skills to do so myself. Repeat for task after task, and that’s how growth and recovery happen.
Of course, it’s all with care and caution, but my approach is to do as much as I can myself, specifically to rebuild my skills and strength as soon as I can.
Apparently, I’m unique. Others would prefer to be taken care of. While I guess I understand the allure, that’s just not me.
That we can choose to take responsibility for our own growth and recovery seems a no-brainer to me. That’s why I was surprised at the reactions my self-initiated actions and progress sometimes elicited. But those reactions further brought home to me the importance of modelling the healthy behavior I’d want to see in others.
I’m healing myself, and to the extent I can, I’m apparently setting an example of how to do it. I hope I’m up to the task.
Leo,
Here’s hoping that your recovery proceeds satisfactorily.
Damn straight. Been there. Not fun.
When you need us, we be here. When you want us gone, we get out of the way. [Hopefully] And the wisdom to tell the difference.
m @ home
All the best on your recovery. I’m happy to come help with Corgi walking or however you think I can be useful.
I understand and respect your philosophy on recovery. In my 32 years of working with people trying to recover, the biggest success stories came from those with a mindset like you’ve described. If I can help in away that feels helpful, listening or offering suggestions for modification as you push through recovery, I’m here!