Lucky 13

As I do each year about this time, in honor of the anniversary of Ask Leo!, it’s time to share the weird, the odd, and the sometimes funny questions that I get.

However this year I have a dilemma! So few to share? Traffic’s steady (Ask Leo! gets ~1,000,000 visitors each month), and there’s no shortage of questions, but perhaps people are starting to get a clue? Perhaps the odd questions are going elsewhere? Perhaps 13 years of question-shaming is having an impact?

Who knows. What I do know is I’m not asking for more odd questions.

The world is odd enough as it is. This year in particular.

As always, each question verbatim as received, except to remove any personal or sensitive information, with the response I’d like to have given (but did not).

Cancer of the heart doe/doesnot happen?

I like to think Ask Leo! has heart, but I certainly hope that cancer doesnot happen.

Hi I’m a student in [redacted] who is a victim of cyber and violent crime. My lecturers are harassing me and I believe my college or my previous company Caucasians or the local police are involved in this crime. Believe my Facebook is hacked, my emails are hacked and my mobile SMS and calls are hacked into. There are several instances which proved my suspicions right. I was almost killed physically by drug addicts. I believe I’m being hacked by people who are conspiring against me. So my only query is, since I strongly believe that there are two Indian companies,[redacted][redacted], my college [redacted] in[redacted][redacted] employees, [redacted] police and possibly the local police here might be involved in this conspiracy theory, CAN I HIRE A PRIVATE DETECTIVE TO TRACE WHO IS HACKING INTO MY PERSONAL INFORMATION? Can they actually track the technology expert behind this hacking business? Please clarify my doubts at your convenience. Awaiting your suggestion. Regards.

Probably, but I have no idea how you’d trust ’em. Seriously, I mean that literally: I have no idea how you would trust anyone.

(As a side note, you’d be surprised at how many paranoid people there are out there. Most all “help, I’m being hacked/spied on” scenarios are explained by significantly less conspiratorial mechanisms, and usually by a simple ignorance or unawareness of how technology works. That not to say that some people aren’t the target of conspiracies, but in my experience they’re rare and few and far between.)

I was wondering if you and your staff see this happen, too. Nobody seems to go out, anymore.(including me). They come up with excuses of to hot, to cold, etc. Can this be blamed on too much Internet surfing or fear of crime or something else. I am on the east coast.

Didn’t Pokemon Go fix that?

IS Pirlo really the new Joe Allen? because no one can be Joe Allen, Only Allen can be Allen i thought. I mean Allen does show great character and all

Anyone can be Joe Allen. All you need do is legally change your name. (Great character optional.)


42. Sounds like you need to do more reading, or you’d already know that.

Ah hello yes, I was wondering if you could help? Well you see, my TARDIS (Type 40) hasn’t been materialising properly. It has been kind of “Phase Shifting” through time and it’s rather annoying.. Also how do I get rid of that wheezing sound? Thanks 🙂

I hear it’s because you’ve been leaving the brakes on. Might wanna check that.

Until next year….


  1. Loved the last one. You got it right … at least the wheezing sound … It happens because he leaves the brakes on.

  2. If those people vote it explains a lot about this year’s election.

    • I’m afraid you might be right… (though I get questions from all over the world, so not all are voters here).

      • Well, maybe, like all the rest of the UK Remainiacs, you can blame it on the ‘Brexit’ vote.

        We voted to leave the European Union and now (or soon) we’re FREE.

  3. Happy anniversary, Leo! You are very much appreciated. Live long and prosper!

  4. I there anyway possible to get Windows 10 free?

  5. Happy Anniversary, Leo. Love your newsletter. Very informative & easy to read. And, “42” is the correct answer. 😉

  6. george in Arizona says:

    The first one?? It sounds like he bought something on Amazon. Amazing how something I just bought pops up on certain web sites. But then I’m a ”Person of Interest” fan….

  7. Mark G Smith says:

    But what is the question?