leo.notenboom.org

Year 6 of Wierdness

Another year of Ask Leo! and the questions don't fail to inspire ... and dissappoint.

Here's this years collection of the odd, the strange, the off-the-wall quesions.

As always, every question is a real question I've received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each "answer" is the answer that I'd be oh-so-tempted to give...

(For perspective - remember that Ask Leo! is a tech site where I answer computer questions. Makes some of the following even more ... puzzling.)

•

i saw a product online called amazing arthritis relief, before i spend my money i want to know if this product is on the up and up, i am afraid to order onlinethe price is 49 bucks, it sure sound good

There are so many products on the internet ready to help cause and or cure stiffness it's difficult to know where to begin.

How did Obama get a scholarship from the fifth grade in the most prestigious private school in Hawaii? Who sponsored him to get into Harvard Law School?

The anti-Obama and "birthers" crowd must be vewy vewy desperate if they're coming to me for assistance.

If other countries adopted our currency, what would that do to the US

Put a lot of currency exchange workers out of work?

I think at this time you will not be able to answer the pèrsonel problems which I have, this also looks interesting, but lacks urgency, which I experience. [Name redacted] Once a boy, speaking German, told me he had friends in Apeldoorn, I think I might have enemies overhere.

I think at this time you will be right. Or not.

Looking for a beauty Site Called gitts and Glamor

I am, quite possibly, the slowest search engine in the world. here ya go.

can people in saskatchewn get mts

I would assume so, but you should check with your urologist to be sure.

a youth orginaization raised 15,336 dollars by selling gift baskets. five different teams sold the basket. martins team sold 48 baskets, amys team sold 138 baskets, sharons team sold 77 baskets, juans team sold 250 baskets, and dees team sold 126 baskets. each gift basket was the same price. what was the price of one gift basket?

Apparently not enough so that you'd do you own homework!

thats a tough question can u tell me wats eminems e mail plzz lol if u know him

You think I'm the kinda guy that would now eminem? I think I'm insulted.

Can you describe a visit to a christian place of pilgrimage?

Yep.

What happened to the Apple II computer?

I sold mine. Not sure about the others. (Trivia: yes, my first computer was an Apple ][)

How Old Am I ?

Not old enough, it would appear.

what happened to dadi mcnair in the fayetteville trial

Apparently I'm now a news agency? He asked the wrong question at the wrong time in the wrong place. Three strikes, dude.

what is to quash

A "to quash", or more properly a "toe quash", is a relative of the kumquat. Apparently good with ... jam.

Difference between 4 networking devices? Note:It should be in the format of tabular column.

A tabular column? Well in that case there's no way I can help.

hy do people live in new york

If you want to call that living.

what school dose kenny go to

Hopefully a school with better spelling and grammar lessons than yours.

is california a republican or democrat state?

Who can tell?

whos my lover

Given the amount of time you're spending on the computer submitting inane questions - you don't have one.

if i like feet but my mom does not know and i want to tickle some feet what should i do???please i am giving you my bigest secret

To begin with, stop telling yout biggest secrets to complete strangers!

This Chinese thinker's beliefs were adopted by the Han Dynasty and used as part of a civil service examination to gain employment in the government

Bob Tzu.

P/s tell the richest man this year 2008

I will tell him as soon as I see him.

how do shooting stars work

It starts with a really big gun...

what does pwesonal assesment mean

Probably that you've been pwned by your employer.

What is the largest state in the united states ?

Clearly a state of ignorance.

how long does it take to thrust a friction picket into the ground? (15meter long and 0,5meter diameter)

Depends on how receptive the ground you're thrusting into is, of course. (That's an impressive picket ya got there, by the way. I'm sure the ground would be apprehensive.)

how does the government choose which polocies to address?

The same way you choose to attend to your spelling: poorly.

what does dont know mean

I can't answer that.

Should i laminate my laptop?

You can if you like, but good luck getting it open after.

what do you ask someone to be your best man?

Start with "will you be my maid of honor", and when he turns that down...

How long a wire 0.1 inch in diameter can be drawn from a block of copper 2 by 4 by 6 inches? (With a follow up, no less: please answer my question because i really need it.)

Given who you chose to ask this of, I'd stick to drawing with crayons.

me and my partner were diagnosed with chlamydia. we were both treated but he is clear but i still have it. he is the only person i have slept with this so how has this happened

The fact that you're asking a computer guy about sexual health issues might be a clue.

Join the sentence using not only---but also.1.He owens three factories.He owens restaurants in the city.

Who's Owen?

What is it called when the conventional machining of metal, rifling is formed by wet-etching the interior of a barrel under an electric current and the metal inside the barrel is actually eaten away or dissolved to create grooves in the barrel?

Prepping for the apocolypse?

when am i gonna get my first child?

Given who you're asking, I'm guessing as soon as they show up on Amazon.

why watch frogs? i need the answer kinda right now because im in science classs and i need the answer.

Cause they're green and redundant and green. And redundant.

What bimomes are in australia?

Bi-moms? This ain't that kinda site.

when will the world end

Based on the questions I'm seeing: any day now.

correct name for a cut throat shaver

Insert pirate joke here. Arrr.

why are the white lines on a highway a set distance and length apart

I know! Wouldn't it be so cool if they were just random and wavy and stuff? Think of all the fun the drivers would have.

why does california or USA's supply of water is becoming short if the earth has 2/3 of water?

The Earth has 2/3 of our water, and it won't let go! It's holding it hostage until we start behaving.

where does chuck norris live

Wherever the hell he wants to.

should teachers be tested for drugs?

Nah. It's the only relief from you they get.

why computer is booted off the natural

Windows won't work if it's booted off the unnatural.

Need to print and mail a letter and not get my fingerprints on it. How do I do this?

You clearly don't watch enough TV.

i somehow managed to get my "man hood" stuck in the disk drive of my computer whilst watching pornography and nothings responding PLEASE HELP ME

I'm not responding either.

how big is your harddrive

Bigger'n yours, buddy.

what is my name?

I dub thee - Ignorance.

How much of my browsing history gets sent to the government?

All of it, because they clearly have nothing better to do that sit around and look at the browsing history of a sexually frustrated teenage boy.

I have a World record biggest Email personally typed ,No Cut and paste ,Very huge mail composed ,i wanted a World Record recognition thru HOTMAIL since i am using HOTMAIL for over a decade . I would be grateful if you can provide a monetary recognition too ITS UNIMAGINABLY A HUGE HANDTYPED MAIL ,WORKED FOR OVER 30 DAYS OF 8 HOURS NON STOP TYPING , LOOKINg forward to hear from you at the earliest

I'm guessing the recognition you get will not match the recognition you seek.

Am i Gping to Graduatie this year

Npe. Not a chancie.

Can I do all the missions on Club Penguin without doing them?

Can a thing that needs doing be done by not doing? If not doing a thing gets it done, then is it really done, or by not doing, not done? I'm confused.

how do sharks clean there teeth?

Certain types of bathing suits make excellent shark floss.

What does a sports writer do?

Some would argue not a lot.

when i start my computer black image and its always tooot

I hate when my computer toots. I recommend changing its diet - fewer beans.

If you were parking your car at work, and a woman dressed in all white happened to walk over a air vent and I got a eye full of white lacy panties what should I do? Approach her at work?

Step out of the movie theatre.

Hi i was dating thiss leo guy at my work for 1 month it was very very intense and sexual heat even the staring part he told me he was falling for me and then 2 days later he said he wasnt ready. he keeps staring at me at work and i get really hot and sweaty when i see him still do u think he willcome aorund and why did he run the other way ...

I actually say this every year: guys (and Leo's in particular!) are attracted to girls who can spell and use things like capitalization properly. Chances are he saw you write something down and walked away oddly disgusted.

I have a strange question. I live in Houston, and there are these little bugs, I call natty bugs. I can't get rid of them. Do you have a solution.

Those just aren't the kind of bugs I deal with.

what is internet?

Indeed.

is there a statue of limatation on a dell computer bought 6 years ago which is now trying to garnish wages? why so long?

Wait, what? Your computer is trying to garnish your wages!?!? TURN IT OFF!

What is Terminal Volocity?

The speed at which a rodent hits the ground when dropped from an airplane.

what happens as an organism develops from one cell to many

The internet.

how do you cook squash

Poorly.

I have a 1995 Chevy Impala SS. Are the gages in the instrument gage cluster analog or digital?

Yep.

I want to send group massage

I'm pretty sure you can get a gift certificate for that.

We just replaced the heater core in our 1992 Beretta GT Sport. We have also resealed the front window. It looks like the water level is staying the same but we are still getting water under the carpet in on the drivers side and passanger side of the car. I don't smell antifreeze in this water but we were told that it was the heater core and we replaced but the water still comes. Please help, can you give me any idea what else it could be leaking water under both seats? Leo we neeed your help bad.

Yes, you do. Been to the restroom lately?

Prior Years

• 2008: 5 Years. And some things never change.

• 2007: Those "Other" Questions

• 2006: Another year of odd ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn't See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?

Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Me

The recent deaths of pop icon Michael Jackson and pitchman Billy Mays caught me be surprise. Not that their deaths shouldn't have been unexpected - they were - and by everyone, not just myself.

No, the problem, and the personal impact, relates to the fact that they were my peers.

OK, so using that term with Michael Jackson is kinda troubling, but the fact is that both he and Billy Mays were right around my age when they both suddenly, and unexpectedly passed away. Both were just shy of 51.

I'm a year older.

Mortality, as I've been telling people, is starting to rear its ugly head, and weigh heavily.

MJ's death is one that I can actually "rationalize away" - meaning absolutely no disrespect to his fans, family or legacy. News reports indicate that not only was he pushing himself excessively hard in preparation for his comeback tour, but there may have been drugs involved. Lots of drugs, it seems. It's sad that this may be the case, but when comparing my situation to his, it's an important point of differentiation that allows me to take his death less personally.

I'm not like that.

Billy Mays, on the other hand, is a completely different story.

 

Here's a guy that's a well known celebrity and entrepreneur, who suddenly and without warning drops dead of (reportedly) heart disease.

Uh oh.

Here's the problem: Like many people, I have risk factors for heart disease.

Looking at Billy Mays, he seemed healthy as he lead an active life.

Until he died, of course.

Did he have warnings? I have no idea. I will say that one of the frustrations in common thinking about heart disease is that all of the warning signs for things like a heart attack are also, and more commonly, simply associated with much more mundane issues - like being overly tired, or the common cold, or having simply stretched a muscle too far. If I'd run to the doctor each time a "possible symptom" cropped up, I'd have been there twice a month ... for the last 20 years.

It's frightening, actually. And having a peer drop dead - perhaps because he misread one of those symptoms - makes it doubly so.

It'd be easy - too easy - to become completely paranoid about every little ache and pain.

Where does this leave me?

Yeah, I've been thinking about mortality a lot lately. I know when my time comes there's little I can do about it, but I'd like that time to be a ways off yet.

I'm trying to do the things I can to push that time out, but it's damned hard, particularly when so much of the advice is contradictory, impractical, or just plain naive. ("Just lose some weight!" - Excuse me - "just" lose some weight? If only it were that easy.)

So yes, while their deaths were tragic and too early, the reason they've hit me as hard has they have isn't because of who they were, but because of who I am.

Another 50-something, like they were, not ready to die just yet.

Like they did.

Update 07-Aug-2009: Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death - as horrible as that is, it helps. It's at least one way that his random death has less direct correlation to my life.

Providence Marianwood - Family Story and Ask

[I was asked once again to speak at the spring luncheon for Providence Marianwood, the long term care facility at which my father lived for his last 4.5 years. The keynote speaker for the luncheon was Robert Fulghum. I was also preceded by Gene Muren, whose wife Debra is a resident of the same wing that my father had been on, and who suffers from early-onset Alzheimer's. Debra was diagnosed at the age of 46.]

I want to thank Gene as well for sharing his poem and story. Debra's a familiar face to those of us who've spent any time in the Alzheimer's wing. I also have to echo Gene's characterization of the experience as both educational, and humbling.

Some of you might recognize me, since I've been here twice before telling my parents story. I'm here today in part to bring that story to a close, and share something I recently realized.

Before I do, though, I want you to take a moment and think about the word "home". What images, what memories, what feelings does that word - home - bring to mind for you?

•

I'm the only child of what I've come to characterize as two fiercely independent Dutch immigrants.

When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's my mother viewed it as her responsibility to care for him - at home - until he no longer recognized her. You know that caring for a spouse with Alzheimer's is about as stressful a job as you can imagine, and it took its inevitable toll on my mom's health.

As she declined we made the difficult decision to find alternate arrangements for my dad. He spent several months in an assisted living facility, Sunrise of Bellevue, until he fell and broke his hip. (Fiercely independent apparently, among other things, means not always using a walker when you should.) Skilled nursing care was called for and we arrived at Providence Marianwood.

A phrase that I've used both times I've spoken here before is that my father was "content" at Marianwood. That's big. In fact, I can't tell you just how big that was. In my mom's last days it allowed she and I great comfort, such that I could help her knowing that my father was not just safe and well cared for, but content.

My mother passed away - at home - a week before mother's day, 6 years ago last week.

•

Alzheimer's spared him reliving my mother's death, and my father remained safe, exceptionally well cared for - and quite content - for the next four and half years.

As the child of an elderly resident there is a phone call that you know is coming. You don't know when, but you know that it's a call that you expect, and that you dread.

A little over a year and a half ago we got the call.

My wife Kathy and I packed up ourselves and our three dogs - frequent visitors to Marianwood, and these luncheons, themselves - and spent the last 24 hours of my father's life with him, in his room.

As I was there that night with my father I watched the activity around us. I watched the nurses and aids come in periodically to see not only if my father was comfortable, but also asking if we - including the dogs - were doing OK as well. I watched the other residents, many of them, like Debra, familiar faces by now, go to bed, get up, eat their meals and live their own comfortable lives in safety and in comfort.

It wasn't until much later that I realized something very important.

While we might want to stay "at home" - perhaps even die "at home" - home isn't a building. Home is where you're surrounded by people who love you and people that honestly and truly care about your comfort and well being.

Home is where you're content.

Even as you lay dying.

My father may have died in a building labeled Providence Marianwood.

But - like my mother - my father died at home.

And for that, I am eternally grateful to the people that work in a building labeled Providence Marianwood and turned it into his home.

•

My parents and I have been incredibly fortunate in many, many ways. Finding Providence Marianwood was just one. Not needing to rely on Medicaid or other assistance was another.

Not everyone is so fortunate.

I was surprised to read that nearly half of Marianwood residents have no longer have the financial resources to cover their care. And as we all know, Medicaid supplements simply do not cover the true cost of long term care.

I was once told by a Marianwood staffer that "we don't kick people out when they run out of money".

Indeed. You don't kick people out of their home.

And yet, that money has to come from somewhere.

That's where you, and I and the Providence Marianwood Foundation come in.

And it's why we're here today.

We're here today to show our support - yep, with cold hard cash - though I'm sure checks and credit cards will do too.

We're here today to help Marianwood continue to be a place where the people who live here are surrounded by people that honestly and truly care about their comfort and well being, and have the resources to do it.

We're here today to help Marianwood continue to be people's home.

In the past I've challenged you not just to double your donation, but to add a zero to it, since that's so much easier. And absolutely, I honestly hope that at least a couple of you here today will do exactly that.

But I also know that the economy is, well ... the economy.

But I need you to remember that it affects all of us - donors, residents and even Marianwood itself. In fact, the very reason you consider not increasing your donation is the very reason we absolutely need you to.

So I'll going to challenge you - right here and now - to tear up that pre-written check you came in with ('cause I know many of you did), or tear up the idea you had coming in, and write a new check for exactly twice the original amount. And further - fill in that card pledging to donate that same larger amount sometime during, or over the course of the next year.

I can tell you first hand the incredible impact that Marianwood has on people's lives ... not just their residents, but friends and family - like me - as well.

And I can also tell you that you can have an incredible impact on Marianwood's ability to be the wonderful, loving and caring home that it is.

Thank you.

My EADS luncheon talk

This is the "Family Story" and "Ask" that I presented at the Elder and Adult Day Services luncheon on Februay 5th, 2009. (Dr. John Medina of Brain Rules was the keynote speaker.)

I'm here to tell you some things that you probably already know.

Like my story.

My mother passed away in 2003 at the age of 82.

My father passed away a year and a half ago at the age of 91.

And I know, that you know, which of the two had Alzheimer's.

You already know my story because you've either seen it, or lived it yourself.

My parents were Dutch immigrants, coming to Canada in 1952, and then to the United States with me, their only child, 8 years later.

Having survived living in an occupied country through World War II, they both developed a kind of strength that would be characteristic of their peers of that generation.

Being immigrants they used that strength to create a life of independence and self-reliance.

Once again ... you already know this story.

You know that it was my father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in the mid 1990's.

You know that it was my mother who took care of him.

You also know that ... independent and self-reliant to a fault ... it wore her out.

Taking care of my father was, to her, an important duty, a responsibility even. Her plan was simply to care for him until he no longer recognized her, and then ... well ... "we'll see", she'd say.

Unfortunately in a perverse race between his memory and her health, it was the memory of the Alzheimer's patient that outlasted.

In the year before she passed away, we began to realize exactly how much of a toll her choices were taking on her. We did manage to find some outside help in the form of some respite care. I was able to spend Thursday afternoons with her while my dad had someone else to be with.

You also know how this story ends.

It lasted about 6 months.

It was too little too late. The stress was too much. Her body simply wore out.

There are other things you already know as well.

You know that my story is decidedly not unique. The details may vary, but this story is being lived by families all over our region, every day.

You know that you've heard way too much about "baby boomers" of late. But you also know all that talk is based in truth: there is a wave coming - the need we're talking about here today is only going to get bigger.

And you're here because you know that the services provided by Elder and Adult Day Services is a critical part of taking care of the caretaker; taking care of the family; taking care so that they don't become, for lack of a better term, collateral damage in another perverse race against dementia or another debilitating condition.

And you're here because you know that not everyone can afford it.

And because you know what I'm about to ask you to do...

I'm going to ask you to support Elder and Adult Day Services.

Table captains, if you would, please pass out the pledge cards and envelopes.

It's traditional at this point in this kind of presentation to make a request for you to consider doubling your planned donation by both donating today, and also pledging to donate that same amount over the next twelve months. And of course I encourage you all to consider doing exactly that.

In my opinion the math is much easier if you just add a zero instead , and turn that $150 donation into a $1500 donation, $300 into $3000 or even more. I honestly hope that there are at least ... say ... three of you ... here today who will seriously consider the impact that this act of generosity will have on your community.

The problem is that there's something else you already know as well.

You know that these are tough times.

But please keep in mind that it's exactly because these are tough times that we need you to give more, not less. Funding - both private and government funding - is being affected by our tough economic times. If Elder and Adult Day Services is to effectively to serve the ever increasing needs in our community, it can only do so with your extra-generous and increasing support.

Please ... be generous. Please ... write down a really big number.

You know that it'll be put to good use.

And you know that it's needed.

A Store Goes Empty

The doll shop is officially "between locations" right now - our brick and mortar location is not only closed, but as of today empty.

Before: The shop on its last day of operation

That's the last day the shop was open. You can see we've already started to pack up, but the display cases and everything else are still in place.

During: just after moving out the display cases

This was taken a day or two after moving the display cases and other "big stuff". We rented a 16' moving truck with a lift gate. After 14 years of carting the display cases around we suffered our first major damage: the front doors of one case shattered when I took a corner just a little to fast and it ... uh ... fell over onto the counter next to it.

After: Jerome guards an empty store

Today we emptied and cleaned out the store the rest of the way. Left it for the last time.

Dolls and Friends Headquarters

And now, Dolls and Friends is ... temporarily at least ... operating out of our living and dining rooms. What you can't see here is (three car) garage that's currently full of display cases, dolls, stands, inventory, supplies and a bunch of other stuff.