Did that word offend you?
Did you react negatively?
Are you now so offended that you’ve unsubscribed and will never return to my blog?
Congratulations. You just gave that word — and all those who use it — much more power than they deserve.
People judge you by the words you use. I’ve discussed this before in my Ask Leo! editorial where I talk about writing well, and how I wish I’d paid more attention to it in school.
What’s less considered, however, is that people also judge you by the words you react to.
Call them “trigger” words if you like.
Words and meaning
Words have no power on their own. They’re simply squiggles on paper or vibrations in the air. It’s our use, and more importantly our interpretation of, and reaction to, words that gives them whatever meaning they convey.
Sometimes what they are is powerful.
Sometimes what they are is offensive.
And frequently a combination of both.
But where does that come from? From our reactions. Consider that if we reacted to “the f-word” differently, or not at all, would it have the significance it currently has? Would it have the impact?
Synonyms don’t count?
What I find most fascinating are the alternative words: “fudge”, “fork”, “frell”, and my personal favorite: “frak”. When used they all mean exactly the same thing. Exactly. “Frak” was a manufactured word designed to be exactly synonymous — driven home by its usage on the television show Battlestar Galactica.
They mean the same thing, and yet they are not “offensive”. We don’t react to them the same way. We don’t give them the same power. They’re “acceptable”, for some reason.
So, apparently, it’s not the meaning that’s offensive. I can say “frak” all I want in just about any context.
But say “fuck” just once, even as an example, and some will be deeply and horribly offended.
It is they who give the word its power.
Offense is taken, not given
I tend not to use words considered offensive in my business writing. First, there’s no need, and second, my audience includes many who would indeed allow my innocent use of some trigger word to get in the way of my message.
I know this because even without using those “loaded” words, it’s already happened. It’s rare, but I have received occasional complaints about my use of the acronym OMG, because it supposedly takes the lords name in vain(1), saying that something “sucked”, because that apparently has pornographic origins, and even saying that people were “pissed” about something, presumably because that has an excretory connotation. Or something.
I can’t imagine the flood of unsubscribes if I happen to accidentally use something stronger.(2)
Even with the purest of intent, some people will choose to be offended by words I happen to use.
Take back control
The reasons people use nominally offensive words varies. For some it’s just how they speak and no offense is intended. For others it’s a release of frustration. For more, they simply don’t consider the word or phrase offensive to begin with.
And for others still it’s an attempt to grab your attention, or to provoke a reaction.
Don’t. Regardless of the intent don’t let something as simple as a word control you like that.
To me it makes much more sense to react to the idea being expressed, rather than the words someone happens to use to express it. The most horrific ideas humanity has thought of were, I’m sure, expressed in perfectly polite language.
Use words to your advantage — clearly you can use them to make people think, feel, and even react — but don’t let someone else’s choice of words control you. Listen to what they have to say, sure, but don’t let their choice of inflammatory or even offensive words blind you to their real message.
(1) To which I of course respond: “Oh My Gosh!”
(2) Unlikely, since that’s not how I generally write, and it’s something I’m confident my editor would catch.