Perhaps the biggest misunderstanding of all
Everyone seems to assume there’s just one definition of “love”: theirs.
One person’s quest to love is another’s heinous act.
And no, this isn’t a sex thing.
It’s a religion thing.
Does love mean accepting people or saving their souls?
Pick a topic with two clearly defined sides, one held by a major religious organization and the other not.
I’ll use sexual orientation and variation as my example, but any similarly charged topic will do.
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Some believe the best way to love people of various orientations is to accept them as they are. Even if you can’t understand what they are, accept and respect what they say they are.
Literally love and accept them for who they are, regardless of your feelings. Acceptance means trying to understand and not trying to change their beliefs.
They are who they are, and that’s wonderful.
That’s one form of love.
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On the other hand, some believe in an immortal soul. They believe that the person this soul occupies needs to behave a certain way, or it’s condemned to an eternity of pain and suffering.
Their deity and/or holy book proscribes alternative sexual orientation. It’s unacceptable and a damnable offense.
Those who believe this strongly think the best way to love someone is to prevent them from being damned to eternal pain and suffering.
That involves proselytizing and making the unacceptable behavior both immoral and illegal. The belief is that the illegality will deter people and “save“ them.
They may not like what you’ve done, but you’ve “saved” them from an eternity of pain and anguish.
That’s another form of love.
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The two seem irreconcilable. Depending on the conviction strength, perhaps they are. It can be difficult for someone on one side to consider the other side’s actions as “love”.
If you don’t love me for what I am, you must hate me for what I am.
I can’t see it as love since it’s based on beliefs I disagree with.
The possibility of being loved differently — albeit in a way you disagree with — never enters the conversation. It’s not “love” as you understand it, or as you want it to be, therefore it must be hate.
Except it’s not.
This matters because diametrically opposed opinions are typically irreconcilable. The chance of “love” and “hate” meeting peaceably is near zero.
“This kind of love” and “that kind of love” already have something in common.
Love.
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I want to be clear: everything above is just an example. There are haters, but I’m not saying all people on either side of contentious issues are haters. I’m not saying there aren’t people who work hard to understand alternate viewpoints they may not agree with.
I’m not saying this is only about sexual orientation. There are many issues in this category.
The key point is that there’s often surprising common ground for progress, if you take the time to understand.
That’s another form of love.