Lucky Number 7

Once again on this 7th anniversary of Ask Leo!, it’s time for the annual wrap-up of the odd and the weird questions that show up in my question bin.

Given that I have seven years of these kinds of questions coming at me, you’d think I’d take it in stride. I guess in a way I do, but still … every so often I find myself just shaking my head and wondering … what were they thinking?

As always, every question is a real question I’ve received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each “answer” is the answer that I’d be oh-so-tempted to give…

And as a reminder, Ask Leo! is a tech site where I answer computer questions. How these questions get asked I really have no idea…

So here they are, directly from my “WTF” folder as I collect ’em all year long:

german word for mechanical engineering

“Dictionary” comes to mind.

I hVEEXTREMELY TINY BLACK/RED DOTS ON MY COUNTERTOPS IN THE KITCHEN…i HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM MOVE OR FLY…BUT SOMEHOW THEY GET ON ME AND BITE WITH A STING….THEY BITE INTO THE SKIN AND YOU CANT PRY THEM OUT….ALSO ON FABRICS AND i FIND LITTLE HOLES IN MY CLOTHES.i BELIEVE THEY ARE SOME SORT OF MITE AND i WOULD LIKE IT IF Y OU CAN TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PEST…..AND HOW TO GET RID OF THEM..THEY JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE…i AM STUMPED.

While I’m extremely well versed with certain types of bugs … these are not the bugs I can help you with.

why does msn send me profiles of ladies abroad, am a 70 year old,and not interested in American women.

All I can say is that I’m sure MSN knows all, sees all and knows best. In your shoes, I’d recommend conforming to MSN’s expectations. (Or get your son his own computer.)

the engine blows the coolant out the fill tank

This years malformed Haiku entry, apparently. Let me have a whack at setting you straight:

the engine it blows
coolant out of the fill tank
yep, the engine blows

does a computer use much electricity

Uh … sure. Even more when it’s on.

what’s the name of my dog

Forgotten dog names have about as much a chance of getting help as forgotten passwords. Sorry.

how can i find the given angle if the input is only the Range and the time?.. what is the formula to get the angle the max height the velocity of a projectile motion in physics?.. thanks a lot

Wait … if you were given the angle … you found it! It’s right there in front of you!

If I have a month to month lease. How do I tell my Landlord in writing, that I am vacating the apartment in 30 days,so that it will be legal?

I’d start with pen and paper. Or Word and a printer, perhaps, but I’m guessing pen and paper might be more your speed. Scratch that – pencil. Somethings stopping me from saying crayon.

i have tow qstns 1. how could i make that my beard should grow faster? 2. how do i pick a lock with my pick set?

OK, where are the questions about towing?

what are the differences in distance between molecules in a copper penny and in molten copper?

I’ll say 2. Or 1357.77.

Why human being has bone marrow in the central of bone?

Because if it was on the outside it would all fall off?

What would human being look like if their skeleton were outside the body?

Like a cockroach. Or a government official, I can never keep the two straight.

I do, I correct voice tone? Voice sound like Donald Duck. Music sound is fine. Widows XP.

I can’t imagine any “I do”‘s heading your way if you have a voice like Donald Duck. (Though perhaps a few interesting career opportunities.)

Did the 2009 Blue Jays set a recoed for being unable or not scoring a run after loading the bases with no outs?

Baseball? ZZZZzzzzzzz……

prove cos4A-cos4B=8(cosA-cosB)(cosA+cosB)(cosA-sinB)

My high school trig teacher, the late Mr. Mead, is yelling at me right now: “make him do his own homework!!!”. Indeed. I miss Mr. Mead.

what is difference between abstraction and polymorphism ?

One’s like an idea, the other’s more like two ideas fighting over the same turf.

Can we transfer fragrance through computer from one place to another?

You mean like smellivision? Sadly, no. Most computers stink too much and overwhelm the message.

can you explain to me when you take pictures of dead flowers and fruit they show up as brilliant colors on the photos.thank you

PhotoShop!

What is your opinion as to when yields on municipal bonds will go up? Some say the third or fourth querter of next year. Your guess as to what the percentage increase will be for intermediate and long-term bonds, if any. If the economy doesn’t improve, there won’t be as much money going after bonds and spending will be less on infrastructure, etc. This would result in higher yields to attract more investors. But, the present opinions are that the economy is going to improve and the money will start flowing again. Third or fourth quarter of 2010: Yields to go up on municipal bonds? This seems to be the present buzz-talk.

Just pay attention to what ever it is that I do. Then do the opposite. If the track record holds, you’ll be a gazillionaire in no time.

what do we call an atom that has become charged by gaining and losing electron?

Tiger?

Do you use different trimmer length settings for various locations on your beard, or does everything just kind of fall into place naturally? Because it looks very good :). This is a serious question by the way.

I use a #1 guard on my Oster A5 trimmer for everything. I then take that guard off when I then go clip the dogs. This is a serious answer by the way.

how can i practically sychronise generators using either the synchroscope or the lamp test? i’ll be extremely grateful for your help. thanks…

Sorry – nothing practical to be found here.

Hi leo, do you think i can go to other country?

Hi Rush. Yes, please.

how much in pound is an english stone

LMGTFY (I gotta start using that more. It rocks. Heh heh… “rocks” … get it?)

hi about four days ago my eyes have bn blinking more than normal is there anythink you could advice me to do? i am thinking about going to specsavers about it coz i am realy worried. and plus i have been told that blinking alot is a meaning for sank but not sure what? could you help me please

STEP AWAY FROM THE PORN!

Does the mass of matter reduces on height due to gravitational effect?

No, but does it really matter?

who is the founder of Turkey

Around here it’s Butterball.

Write any five places where we do not find computers

There’s no computer in a mouse,
and there’s no computer in most grouse.
There’s no computer in my spouse … I think.

There was no computer in the time of Strauss,
and based on your question there’s no computer in your house …. I think.

Back to school, do your own homework … ya louse.

What was the result to the speech Votes for Women by Mark Twain?

Rumors of his early demise, I would guess.

I HAD A BIG CRUSH ON MY BEST FRIEND LAST WEEK AND NOW ITS GONE. I GET SO DEPRESSED ABOUT IT CAUSE I KNOW HE LIKES ME AND I REALLY WANNA LIKE HIM. AM I IN LOVE WITH HIM AND IF NOT WILL MY CRUSH EVER COME BACK??????????????? PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION!!!!!IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So crazy you actually forgot to ask me a question. Hence I’ll pick an answer at random: reformat and reinstall a new friend. (Don’t bother backing up, though. Clearly a waste of time.)

¿how are you? I´d like that you tell me, how could I be a big musican I am from Ecuador

Not to malign Ecuador, but I’m not aware of any big musicians from there. Since you’re asking me for some reason my only advice would be to move. Or ask someone who knows about music. And Ecuador.

sir i want some help on my project which i am doing in a ceat tyre company… sir i have a project on sprockets…my aim is to make a standard size sprockets which are connected to different conveyers of roller dia… keeping in mind that the gear box ratio,motor speed,motor hp etc. should be kept constant

I suggest you talk to this person.

In kinematics how did the formula L=2J-3 is derived & L stands for no. of links & J stands for no. of joints

I think the math is off. You need another joint.

Are return air grills required by code on your installation?

Oh crap! I knew I forgot something.

Explain IAS 39 regarding classification of the financial assests

I had to look it up. If you’re relying on me for help – you’re screwed.

How is farm equipment sold and shown to have changed hands legally in the state of Oregon ?

Keep your receipts, that’s all I’m say’n.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST AND PRICED RIGHT CORDLESS VACUUM CLEANER IS.[ OR KNOWN AS AN CORDLESS ELECTRIC BROOM ]

I know about many things that suck – vacuums aren’t one of them.

please convert 1600.85 euros to u.s. dollars at a 1.19556 exchange rate

Sorry. That math is too hard.

how much is boeing 747?

A lot.

what is your cat’s name

Oh no you don’t. You’re not getting my secret answer that easily.

hello i can not sigh in my hotmail inbox

Your Hotmail inbox is a angst-free zone. No sighing allowed.

Why is the sky blue?

Nature’s “blue screen of death”, perhaps? (If you see phrases like “page fault” in the sky, kiss your … loved ones … goodbye and prepare to be rebooted).

Leo, can you please tell me what the ultimate answer is to life, the universe, and everything?

Everyone knows it’s 42. Sheesh.

i cant get stuff on ebay

Something tells me there’s a reason.

law of computer ethics

Rule #1: always form your question in the form of a question.

How do I watch live pictures from the Security Cameras on Time Square New York City or any other cameras in other citys, Like Los Angeles, CA.

Create a TV show in which those things are easy to do.

What’s the user interface for DOS?

Old and tired, yet extremely popular among certain populations.

What was Abhishek Bachchan’s debut movie?

Refugee. Jeeze, the things I do for you folks.

If the sun does a polar flip every 11 years, how do we know the top is north, not south, …or is the top ALWAYS north?

Let’s send you to the sun so you can investigate. Bring sunscreen and be sure to report back on your findings.

The computer is not having any problem

EXCELLENT. I wish more of the questions were like that.

hi leo ! i have soft bumps on my feet. 4 foot specialists could not help me. can u ? they are like blisters, but r not blisters. there is some mucous like fluidd in them. it hurts to walk. help !

Ewwww!

Please for God sake,how do i hack a website?

For God’s sake? I’m guessing God doesn’t want you hacking web sites.

how is salt made

Very, very slowly.

what is your name?

Sigh. I you can’t figure out my name from the URL and the picture at the top of every page, then there’s no hope. Please leave the internet immediately.

I have sued my ex husband for child support and now his wife drives by my house everyday (twice a day). She also flips me off (gives me the bird / middle finger) everyday when we pass each other on the way to work. Is this considered harrasment?

I suppose so. But then so could suing, depending on the situation. Or just driving in heavy traffic.

watt will i do this summer

Nothing enlightening.

Sir,I hope u r fine i ask me uour religion is what plz tell me answer ok thenx for alot him.

My religion? Probably like your question: incomprehensible.

Hi Leo I have long been an admirer of the beard you sport. My facial hair has never really got to the stage that I can even attempt to join my mustache to my beard let alone back to the sideburns. At what age were you able to achieve this and does it require a good deal of maintenance? Thanks

You’ll find most beard owners do it precisely because it’s low-to-no maintenance. And because their wive’s, once seeing their clean-shaven face after not seeing it in a decade immediately respond: GROW IT BACK! (I did.)

Earlier today, on a busy (45 mph) street I was driving the speed limit on the left lane when a man, in a big truck, started rolling into my lane. I kindly honked to let him know. He moved back into his lane, then waited a few long moments then pulled into my lane and slammed on his breaks to a complete dead stop. He caused me to run into him and a huge traffic pile up. There were witnesses around stating that he was driving with roadrage and pulled into my lane to cause an accident. What can be down about this? Can my claim hold up in court? What evidence do I need?

That was YOU!!!???

I have a late 70’s Harley Davidson electric golf cart. I have decided to sell it so I wanted to make sure it was running OK after a couple of months of storage. It was running fine then. My question is that now, when I depress the accelerator to the floor, it stops running and I can see the contacts arcing. It runs fine in the low gear. What is the problem? Thank you

Wait … there’s a Harley Davidson golf cart? Now there’s babe magnet. Explains a lot about Tiger.

what is Maz doing with her life?

Something way more productive than asking silly questions, I’m sure.

how do you train a puppy. Please don’t give me a bunch other links, if you don’t know then say you don’t know. It should be that simple!!!

I don’t know. More often than not they train me.

why cant you get me my boyfriends password ive tried to get him to tell me but its no use i tell him he WILL lose me for good if he does not tell me what his email and password is to his myspace and that i WILL not marry him and that our relationship will end why wont u help me

From where I sit, he’s making exactly the right choice.

what are tigers?

Unsold copies of 10.4

i like a girl and we hav been a year best friends but like her can u tell me what to do to let her like me????i really like her .. we dont meet alot we meet rarelly .. tell me what to do when i chat with her ?????

Make sure to tell her you went to a computer technical Q&A site for relationship advice. Chicks really dig that.

Explain a “Two-Way Transitive” trust

The laws keep changing, but that might now be legal in California. Or not. Stay tuned.

Nice beard How can I replicate this? GIVE ME TIPS ME LIKIE BEARD ME WANT BEARD

Start by reaching puberty.

Hey Leo, I was just wondering… when do male adult sperm whales first start migrating?

Not going there. So not going there.

email me. i love hot chicks

I’m flattered. I think.

Can earth magnetism be use in rocket ejection from earth surface by using opp. Polarity of electromagnet in rocket?

Uh…. sure. Why not?

i want to know aboult adolf hitler will u tell me his whole life story ? and also his family ?

Hmmm. I wonder if Godwin’s Law applies here.

can you tell me are we aload to smoke in the streets of dublin

Sure, but don’t you dare burst into flame.

What is the least expensive way to travel by train from Paris, France to Provenve,France?

Just because I worked on Expedia once upon a time doesn’t mean I memorized all the local transportation options. Besides, I’m sure the rates have gone up.

have you ever been to a turkish prison?

Nope. What was it like?

how are animals able to digest even food that is unfit for human consumption?

They’re not nearly as picky.

WHAT IS THE POSTAL CODE OF PAKISTAN?

I’m guessing “Pakistan”.

Why are you so awesomely genius?

Compared the questions you’re seeing here a broken pencil looks like a Rhodes Scholar, so it’s not that hard.

how can i delete history

Step 1: invent a time machine.

I want to give ccna exam but I loss my confident what can i do ? pls say me..

“me”

why the falling drop of water is sphere in shape?

I give up. (Or is this another unfinished Haiku attempt?)

i’ve asking for years. i don’t use a printer; it required ink. yet i can type an email on a keyboard. how is visible without ink.

Pixies. That’s where the term “pixel” comes from.

a thin wire is wounded around a pencil.the length of the wire that wounds the pencil is 2 cm,what is the diameter of the wire?

You said it yourself: “thin”.

Every year there seems to be a “theme” that pops out of the weirdness. This year, for reasons I can’t fathom, apparently it’s my beard. Weirdness piled on weirdness, as far as I can tell.

As my assistant put it “Gosh, Leo, physics, counseling and now legal expert! You are really the MAN!”

Indeed. The man I am.

Perhaps.

’till next year.

-Leo

Comments

  1. ROTFLMAO! I really needed to read these today. Often, what made me laugh out loud was the unexpected nature of your answer.
    Two of my favorites:
    have you ever been to a turkish prison?
    Nope. What was it like?
    how can i delete history
    Step 1: invent a time machine.
    Keep it up–you made my day!

  2. I must tell you, Sir, that I am very glad that I signed up for your newsletter. I opened the Xerox Computer Center in Miami in 1981 and was the Senior Tech there for 10 years, so I am somewhat versed in how computers (sometimes) work. However, I just finished reading your “Lucky Number 7” article; I haven’t laughed this hard in a long while.
    Just remember . . . these people drive cars at high speeds on the same public roads that WE drive on.
    And they vote.
    And breed.
    (That’ll be “Dee Beard for President” for the next election, whenever that is. I don’t know; I don’t do advanced math.)
    Please keep up the great work!

  3. I had to give you my own answer to this one, Leo:
    “What is the least expensive way to travel by train from Paris, France to Provenve,France?”
    On a train.

  4. Just too funny!!!

  5. In your Lucky Number Collection 7 you equated cockroaches with government officials. While there is some truth to that, i think it would be more accurate equating cockroaches with lawyers.