Given that I have seven years of these kinds of questions coming at me, you'd think I'd take it in stride. I guess in a way I do, but still ... every so often I find myself just shaking my head and wondering ... what were they thinking?

As always, every question is a real question I've received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each "answer" is the answer that I'd be oh-so-tempted to give...

And as a reminder, Ask Leo! is a tech site where I answer computer questions. How these questions get asked I really have no idea...

So here they are, directly from my "WTF" folder as I collect 'em all year long:

"Dictionary" comes to mind.

I hVEEXTREMELY TINY BLACK/RED DOTS ON MY COUNTERTOPS IN THE KITCHEN...i HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM MOVE OR FLY...BUT SOMEHOW THEY GET ON ME AND BITE WITH A STING....THEY BITE INTO THE SKIN AND YOU CANT PRY THEM OUT....ALSO ON FABRICS AND i FIND LITTLE HOLES IN MY CLOTHES.i BELIEVE THEY ARE SOME SORT OF MITE AND i WOULD LIKE IT IF Y OU CAN TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PEST.....AND HOW TO GET RID OF THEM..THEY JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE...i AM STUMPED.

While I'm extremely well versed with certain types of bugs ... these are not the bugs I can help you with.

why does msn send me profiles of ladies abroad, am a 70 year old,and not interested in American women.

All I can say is that I'm sure MSN knows all, sees all and knows best. In your shoes, I'd recommend conforming to MSN's expectations. (Or get your son his own computer.)

the engine blows the coolant out the fill tank

This years malformed Haiku entry, apparently. Let me have a whack at setting you straight:

the engine it blows
coolant out of the fill tank
yep, the engine blows

does a computer use much electricity

Uh ... sure. Even more when it's on.

what's the name of my dog

Forgotten dog names have about as much a chance of getting help as forgotten passwords. Sorry.

how can i find the given angle if the input is only the Range and the time?.. what is the formula to get the angle the max height the velocity of a projectile motion in physics?.. thanks a lot

Wait ... if you were given the angle ... you found it! It's right there in front of you!

If I have a month to month lease. How do I tell my Landlord in writing, that I am vacating the apartment in 30 days,so that it will be legal?

I'd start with pen and paper. Or Word and a printer, perhaps, but I'm guessing pen and paper might be more your speed. Scratch that - pencil. Somethings stopping me from saying crayon.

i have tow qstns 1. how could i make that my beard should grow faster? 2. how do i pick a lock with my pick set?

OK, where are the questions about towing?

what are the differences in distance between molecules in a copper penny and in molten copper?

I'll say 2. Or 1357.77.

Why human being has bone marrow in the central of bone?

Because if it was on the outside it would all fall off?

What would human being look like if their skeleton were outside the body?

Like a cockroach. Or a government official, I can never keep the two straight.

I do, I correct voice tone? Voice sound like Donald Duck. Music sound is fine. Widows XP.

I can't imagine any "I do"'s heading your way if you have a voice like Donald Duck. (Though perhaps a few interesting career opportunities.)

Did the 2009 Blue Jays set a recoed for being unable or not scoring a run after loading the bases with no outs?

Baseball? ZZZZzzzzzzz......

prove cos4A-cos4B=8(cosA-cosB)(cosA+cosB)(cosA-sinB)

My high school trig teacher, the late Mr. Mead, is yelling at me right now: "make him do his own homework!!!". Indeed. I miss Mr. Mead.

what is difference between abstraction and polymorphism ?

One's like an idea, the other's more like two ideas fighting over the same turf.

Can we transfer fragrance through computer from one place to another?

You mean like smellivision? Sadly, no. Most computers stink too much and overwhelm the message.

can you explain to me when you take pictures of dead flowers and fruit they show up as brilliant colors on the photos.thank you

PhotoShop!

What is your opinion as to when yields on municipal bonds will go up? Some say the third or fourth querter of next year. Your guess as to what the percentage increase will be for intermediate and long-term bonds, if any. If the economy doesn't improve, there won't be as much money going after bonds and spending will be less on infrastructure, etc. This would result in higher yields to attract more investors. But, the present opinions are that the economy is going to improve and the money will start flowing again. Third or fourth quarter of 2010: Yields to go up on municipal bonds? This seems to be the present buzz-talk.

Just pay attention to what ever it is that I do. Then do the opposite. If the track record holds, you'll be a gazillionaire in no time.

what do we call an atom that has become charged by gaining and losing electron?

Tiger?

Do you use different trimmer length settings for various locations on your beard, or does everything just kind of fall into place naturally? Because it looks very good :). This is a serious question by the way.

I use a #1 guard on my Oster A5 trimmer for everything. I then take that guard off when I then go clip the dogs. This is a serious answer by the way.

how can i practically sychronise generators using either the synchroscope or the lamp test? i'll be extremely grateful for your help. thanks...

Sorry - nothing practical to be found here.

Hi leo, do you think i can go to other country?

Hi Rush. Yes, please.

how much in pound is an english stone

LMGTFY (I gotta start using that more. It rocks. Heh heh... "rocks" ... get it?)

hi about four days ago my eyes have bn blinking more than normal is there anythink you could advice me to do? i am thinking about going to specsavers about it coz i am realy worried. and plus i have been told that blinking alot is a meaning for sank but not sure what? could you help me please

STEP AWAY FROM THE PORN!

Does the mass of matter reduces on height due to gravitational effect?

No, but does it really matter?

who is the founder of Turkey

Around here it's Butterball.

Write any five places where we do not find computers

There's no computer in a mouse, and there's no computer in most grouse. There's no computer in my spouse ... I think.
There was no computer in the time of Strauss, and based on your question there's no computer in your house .... I think.
Back to school, do your own homework ... ya louse.

What was the result to the speech Votes for Women by Mark Twain?

Rumors of his early demise, I would guess.

I HAD A BIG CRUSH ON MY BEST FRIEND LAST WEEK AND NOW ITS GONE. I GET SO DEPRESSED ABOUT IT CAUSE I KNOW HE LIKES ME AND I REALLY WANNA LIKE HIM. AM I IN LOVE WITH HIM AND IF NOT WILL MY CRUSH EVER COME BACK??????????????? PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION!!!!!IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So crazy you actually forgot to ask me a question. Hence I'll pick an answer at random: reformat and reinstall a new friend. (Don't bother backing up, though. Clearly a waste of time.)

¿how are you? I´d like that you tell me, how could I be a big musican I am from Ecuador

Not to malign Ecuador, but I'm not aware of any big musicians from there. Since you're asking me for some reason my only advice would be to move. Or ask someone who knows about music. And Ecuador.

sir i want some help on my project which i am doing in a ceat tyre company... sir i have a project on sprockets...my aim is to make a standard size sprockets which are connected to different conveyers of roller dia... keeping in mind that the gear box ratio,motor speed,motor hp etc. should be kept constant

I suggest you talk to this person.

In kinematics how did the formula L=2J-3 is derived & L stands for no. of links & J stands for no. of joints

I think the math is off. You need another joint.

Are return air grills required by code on your installation?

Oh crap! I knew I forgot something.

Explain IAS 39 regarding classification of the financial assests

I had to look it up. If you're relying on me for help - you're screwed.

How is farm equipment sold and shown to have changed hands legally in the state of Oregon ?

Keep your receipts, that's all I'm say'n.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST AND PRICED RIGHT CORDLESS VACUUM CLEANER IS.[ OR KNOWN AS AN CORDLESS ELECTRIC BROOM ]

I know about many things that suck - vacuums aren't one of them.

please convert 1600.85 euros to u.s. dollars at a 1.19556 exchange rate

Sorry. That math is too hard.

how much is boeing 747?

A lot.

what is your cat's name

Oh no you don't. You're not getting my secret answer that easily.

hello i can not sigh in my hotmail inbox

Your Hotmail inbox is a angst-free zone. No sighing allowed.

Why is the sky blue?

Nature's "blue screen of death", perhaps? (If you see phrases like "page fault" in the sky, kiss your ... loved ones ... goodbye and prepare to be rebooted).

Leo, can you please tell me what the ultimate answer is to life, the universe, and everything?

Everyone knows it's 42. Sheesh.

i cant get stuff on ebay

Something tells me there's a reason.

law of computer ethics

Rule #1: always form your question in the form of a question.

How do I watch live pictures from the Security Cameras on Time Square New York City or any other cameras in other citys, Like Los Angeles, CA.

Create a TV show in which those things are easy to do.

What's the user interface for DOS?

Old and tired, yet extremely popular among certain populations.

What was Abhishek Bachchan's debut movie?

Refugee. Jeeze, the things I do for you folks.

If the sun does a polar flip every 11 years, how do we know the top is north, not south, ...or is the top ALWAYS north?

Let's send you to the sun so you can investigate. Bring sunscreen and be sure to report back on your findings.

The computer is not having any problem

EXCELLENT. I wish more of the questions were like that.

hi leo ! i have soft bumps on my feet. 4 foot specialists could not help me. can u ? they are like blisters, but r not blisters. there is some mucous like fluidd in them. it hurts to walk. help !

Ewwww!

Please for God sake,how do i hack a website?

For God's sake? I'm guessing God doesn't want you hacking web sites.

how is salt made

Very, very slowly.

what is your name?

Sigh. I you can't figure out my name from the URL and the picture at the top of every page, then there's no hope. Please leave the internet immediately.

I have sued my ex husband for child support and now his wife drives by my house everyday (twice a day). She also flips me off (gives me the bird / middle finger) everyday when we pass each other on the way to work. Is this considered harrasment?

I suppose so. But then so could suing, depending on the situation. Or just driving in heavy traffic.

watt will i do this summer

Nothing enlightening.

Sir,I hope u r fine i ask me uour religion is what plz tell me answer ok thenx for alot him.

My religion? Probably like your question: incomprehensible.

Hi Leo I have long been an admirer of the beard you sport. My facial hair has never really got to the stage that I can even attempt to join my mustache to my beard let alone back to the sideburns. At what age were you able to achieve this and does it require a good deal of maintenance? Thanks

You'll find most beard owners do it precisely because it's low-to-no maintenance. And because their wive's, once seeing their clean-shaven face after not seeing it in a decade immediately respond: GROW IT BACK! (I did.)

Earlier today, on a busy (45 mph) street I was driving the speed limit on the left lane when a man, in a big truck, started rolling into my lane. I kindly honked to let him know. He moved back into his lane, then waited a few long moments then pulled into my lane and slammed on his breaks to a complete dead stop. He caused me to run into him and a huge traffic pile up. There were witnesses around stating that he was driving with roadrage and pulled into my lane to cause an accident. What can be down about this? Can my claim hold up in court? What evidence do I need?

That was YOU!!!???

I have a late 70's Harley Davidson electric golf cart. I have decided to sell it so I wanted to make sure it was running OK after a couple of months of storage. It was running fine then. My question is that now, when I depress the accelerator to the floor, it stops running and I can see the contacts arcing. It runs fine in the low gear. What is the problem? Thank you

Wait ... there's a Harley Davidson golf cart? Now there's babe magnet. Explains a lot about Tiger.

what is Maz doing with her life?

Something way more productive than asking silly questions, I'm sure.

how do you train a puppy. Please don't give me a bunch other links, if you don't know then say you don't know. It should be that simple!!!

I don't know. More often than not they train me.

why cant you get me my boyfriends password ive tried to get him to tell me but its no use i tell him he WILL lose me for good if he does not tell me what his email and password is to his myspace and that i WILL not marry him and that our relationship will end why wont u help me

From where I sit, he's making exactly the right choice.

what are tigers?

Unsold copies of 10.4

i like a girl and we hav been a year best friends but like her can u tell me what to do to let her like me????i really like her .. we dont meet alot we meet rarelly .. tell me what to do when i chat with her ?????

Make sure to tell her you went to a computer technical Q&A site for relationship advice. Chicks really dig that.

Explain a "Two-Way Transitive" trust

The laws keep changing, but that might now be legal in California. Or not. Stay tuned.

Nice beard How can I replicate this? GIVE ME TIPS ME LIKIE BEARD ME WANT BEARD

Start by reaching puberty.

Hey Leo, I was just wondering... when do male adult sperm whales first start migrating?

Not going there. So not going there.

email me. i love hot chicks

I'm flattered. I think.

Can earth magnetism be use in rocket ejection from earth surface by using opp. Polarity of electromagnet in rocket?

Uh.... sure. Why not?

i want to know aboult adolf hitler will u tell me his whole life story ? and also his family ?

Hmmm. I wonder if Godwin's Law applies here.

can you tell me are we aload to smoke in the streets of dublin

Sure, but don't you dare burst into flame.

What is the least expensive way to travel by train from Paris, France to Provenve,France?

Just because I worked on Expedia once upon a time doesn't mean I memorized all the local transportation options. Besides, I'm sure the rates have gone up.

have you ever been to a turkish prison?

Nope. What was it like?

how are animals able to digest even food that is unfit for human consumption?

They're not nearly as picky.

WHAT IS THE POSTAL CODE OF PAKISTAN?

I'm guessing "Pakistan".

Why are you so awesomely genius?

Compared the questions you're seeing here a broken pencil looks like a Rhodes Scholar, so it's not that hard.

how can i delete history

Step 1: invent a time machine.

I want to give ccna exam but I loss my confident what can i do ? pls say me..

"me"

why the falling drop of water is sphere in shape?

I give up. (Or is this another unfinished Haiku attempt?)

i've asking for years. i don't use a printer; it required ink. yet i can type an email on a keyboard. how is visible without ink.

Pixies. That's where the term "pixel" comes from.

a thin wire is wounded around a pencil.the length of the wire that wounds the pencil is 2 cm,what is the diameter of the wire?

You said it yourself: "thin".

•

Every year there seems to be a "theme" that pops out of the weirdness. This year, for reasons I can't fathom, apparently it's my beard. Weirdness piled on weirdness, as far as I can tell.

As my assistant put it "Gosh, Leo, physics, counseling and now legal expert! You are really the MAN!"

Indeed. The man I am.

Perhaps.

'till next year.

-Leo

•

Prior Years

• 2009: Year 6 of Wierdness

• 2008: 5 Years. And some things never change.

• 2007: Those "Other" Questions

• 2006: Another year of odd ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn't See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?

Here's this years collection of the odd, the strange, the off-the-wall quesions.

As always, every question is a real question I've received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each "answer" is the answer that I'd be oh-so-tempted to give...

(For perspective - remember that Ask Leo! is a tech site where I answer computer questions. Makes some of the following even more ... puzzling.)

i saw a product online called amazing arthritis relief, before i spend my money i want to know if this product is on the up and up, i am afraid to order onlinethe price is 49 bucks, it sure sound good

There are so many products on the internet ready to help cause and or cure stiffness it's difficult to know where to begin.

How did Obama get a scholarship from the fifth grade in the most prestigious private school in Hawaii? Who sponsored him to get into Harvard Law School?

The anti-Obama and "birthers" crowd must be vewy vewy desperate if they're coming to me for assistance.

If other countries adopted our currency, what would that do to the US

Put a lot of currency exchange workers out of work?

I think at this time you will not be able to answer the pèrsonel problems which I have, this also looks interesting, but lacks urgency, which I experience. [Name redacted] Once a boy, speaking German, told me he had friends in Apeldoorn, I think I might have enemies overhere.

I think at this time you will be right. Or not.

Looking for a beauty Site Called gitts and Glamor

I am, quite possibly, the slowest search engine in the world. here ya go.

can people in saskatchewn get mts

I would assume so, but you should check with your urologist to be sure.

a youth orginaization raised 15,336 dollars by selling gift baskets. five different teams sold the basket. martins team sold 48 baskets, amys team sold 138 baskets, sharons team sold 77 baskets, juans team sold 250 baskets, and dees team sold 126 baskets. each gift basket was the same price. what was the price of one gift basket?

Apparently not enough so that you'd do you own homework!

thats a tough question can u tell me wats eminems e mail plzz lol if u know him

You think I'm the kinda guy that would now eminem? I think I'm insulted.

Can you describe a visit to a christian place of pilgrimage?

Yep.

What happened to the Apple II computer?

I sold mine. Not sure about the others. (Trivia: yes, my first computer was an Apple ][)

How Old Am I ?

Not old enough, it would appear.

what happened to dadi mcnair in the fayetteville trial

Apparently I'm now a news agency? He asked the wrong question at the wrong time in the wrong place. Three strikes, dude.

what is to quash

A "to quash", or more properly a "toe quash", is a relative of the kumquat. Apparently good with ... jam.

Difference between 4 networking devices? Note:It should be in the format of tabular column.

A tabular column? Well in that case there's no way I can help.

hy do people live in new york

If you want to call that living.

what school dose kenny go to

Hopefully a school with better spelling and grammar lessons than yours.

is california a republican or democrat state?

Who can tell?

whos my lover

Given the amount of time you're spending on the computer submitting inane questions - you don't have one.

if i like feet but my mom does not know and i want to tickle some feet what should i do???please i am giving you my bigest secret

To begin with, stop telling yout biggest secrets to complete strangers!

This Chinese thinker's beliefs were adopted by the Han Dynasty and used as part of a civil service examination to gain employment in the government

Bob Tzu.

P/s tell the richest man this year 2008

I will tell him as soon as I see him.

how do shooting stars work

It starts with a really big gun...

what does pwesonal assesment mean

Probably that you've been pwned by your employer.

What is the largest state in the united states ?

Clearly a state of ignorance.

how long does it take to thrust a friction picket into the ground? (15meter long and 0,5meter diameter)

Depends on how receptive the ground you're thrusting into is, of course. (That's an impressive picket ya got there, by the way. I'm sure the ground would be apprehensive.)

how does the government choose which polocies to address?

The same way you choose to attend to your spelling: poorly.

what does dont know mean

I can't answer that.

Should i laminate my laptop?

You can if you like, but good luck getting it open after.

what do you ask someone to be your best man?

Start with "will you be my maid of honor", and when he turns that down...

How long a wire 0.1 inch in diameter can be drawn from a block of copper 2 by 4 by 6 inches? (With a follow up, no less: please answer my question because i really need it.)

Given who you chose to ask this of, I'd stick to drawing with crayons.

me and my partner were diagnosed with chlamydia. we were both treated but he is clear but i still have it. he is the only person i have slept with this so how has this happened

The fact that you're asking a computer guy about sexual health issues might be a clue.

Join the sentence using not only---but also.1.He owens three factories.He owens restaurants in the city.

Who's Owen?

What is it called when the conventional machining of metal, rifling is formed by wet-etching the interior of a barrel under an electric current and the metal inside the barrel is actually eaten away or dissolved to create grooves in the barrel?

Prepping for the apocolypse?

when am i gonna get my first child?

Given who you're asking, I'm guessing as soon as they show up on Amazon.

why watch frogs? i need the answer kinda right now because im in science classs and i need the answer.

Cause they're green and redundant and green. And redundant.

What bimomes are in australia?

Bi-moms? This ain't that kinda site.

when will the world end

Based on the questions I'm seeing: any day now.

correct name for a cut throat shaver

Insert pirate joke here. Arrr.

why are the white lines on a highway a set distance and length apart

I know! Wouldn't it be so cool if they were just random and wavy and stuff? Think of all the fun the drivers would have.

why does california or USA's supply of water is becoming short if the earth has 2/3 of water?

The Earth has 2/3 of our water, and it won't let go! It's holding it hostage until we start behaving.

where does chuck norris live

Wherever the hell he wants to.

should teachers be tested for drugs?

Nah. It's the only relief from you they get.

why computer is booted off the natural

Windows won't work if it's booted off the unnatural.

Need to print and mail a letter and not get my fingerprints on it. How do I do this?

You clearly don't watch enough TV.

i somehow managed to get my "man hood" stuck in the disk drive of my computer whilst watching pornography and nothings responding PLEASE HELP ME

I'm not responding either.

how big is your harddrive

Bigger'n yours, buddy.

what is my name?

I dub thee - Ignorance.

How much of my browsing history gets sent to the government?

All of it, because they clearly have nothing better to do that sit around and look at the browsing history of a sexually frustrated teenage boy.

I have a World record biggest Email personally typed ,No Cut and paste ,Very huge mail composed ,i wanted a World Record recognition thru HOTMAIL since i am using HOTMAIL for over a decade . I would be grateful if you can provide a monetary recognition too ITS UNIMAGINABLY A HUGE HANDTYPED MAIL ,WORKED FOR OVER 30 DAYS OF 8 HOURS NON STOP TYPING , LOOKINg forward to hear from you at the earliest

I'm guessing the recognition you get will not match the recognition you seek.

Am i Gping to Graduatie this year

Npe. Not a chancie.

Can I do all the missions on Club Penguin without doing them?

Can a thing that needs doing be done by not doing? If not doing a thing gets it done, then is it really done, or by not doing, not done? I'm confused.

how do sharks clean there teeth?

Certain types of bathing suits make excellent shark floss.

What does a sports writer do?

Some would argue not a lot.

when i start my computer black image and its always tooot

I hate when my computer toots. I recommend changing its diet - fewer beans.

If you were parking your car at work, and a woman dressed in all white happened to walk over a air vent and I got a eye full of white lacy panties what should I do? Approach her at work?

Step out of the movie theatre.

Hi i was dating thiss leo guy at my work for 1 month it was very very intense and sexual heat even the staring part he told me he was falling for me and then 2 days later he said he wasnt ready. he keeps staring at me at work and i get really hot and sweaty when i see him still do u think he willcome aorund and why did he run the other way ...

I actually say this every year: guys (and Leo's in particular!) are attracted to girls who can spell and use things like capitalization properly. Chances are he saw you write something down and walked away oddly disgusted.

I have a strange question. I live in Houston, and there are these little bugs, I call natty bugs. I can't get rid of them. Do you have a solution.

Those just aren't the kind of bugs I deal with.

what is internet?

Indeed.

is there a statue of limatation on a dell computer bought 6 years ago which is now trying to garnish wages? why so long?

Wait, what? Your computer is trying to garnish your wages!?!? TURN IT OFF!

What is Terminal Volocity?

The speed at which a rodent hits the ground when dropped from an airplane.

what happens as an organism develops from one cell to many

The internet.

how do you cook squash

Poorly.

I have a 1995 Chevy Impala SS. Are the gages in the instrument gage cluster analog or digital?

Yep.

I want to send group massage

I'm pretty sure you can get a gift certificate for that.

We just replaced the heater core in our 1992 Beretta GT Sport. We have also resealed the front window. It looks like the water level is staying the same but we are still getting water under the carpet in on the drivers side and passanger side of the car. I don't smell antifreeze in this water but we were told that it was the heater core and we replaced but the water still comes. Please help, can you give me any idea what else it could be leaking water under both seats? Leo we neeed your help bad.

Yes, you do. Been to the restroom lately?

Prior Years

• 2008: 5 Years. And some things never change.

• 2007: Those "Other" Questions

• 2006: Another year of odd ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn't See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?

No, the problem, and the personal impact, relates to the fact that they were my peers.

I'm a year older.

Mortality, as I've been telling people, is starting to rear its ugly head, and weigh heavily.

MJ's death is one that I can actually "rationalize away" - meaning absolutely no disrespect to his fans, family or legacy. News reports indicate that not only was he pushing himself excessively hard in preparation for his comeback tour, but there may have been drugs involved. Lots of drugs, it seems. It's sad that this may be the case, but when comparing my situation to his, it's an important point of differentiation that allows me to take his death less personally.

I'm not like that.

Billy Mays, on the other hand, is a completely different story.

Here's a guy that's a well known celebrity and entrepreneur, who suddenly and without warning drops dead of (reportedly) heart disease.

Uh oh.

Here's the problem: Like many people, I have risk factors for heart disease.

Looking at Billy Mays, he seemed healthy as he lead an active life.

Until he died, of course.

Did he have warnings? I have no idea. I will say that one of the frustrations in common thinking about heart disease is that all of the warning signs for things like a heart attack are also, and more commonly, simply associated with much more mundane issues - like being overly tired, or the common cold, or having simply stretched a muscle too far. If I'd run to the doctor each time a "possible symptom" cropped up, I'd have been there twice a month ... for the last 20 years.

It's frightening, actually. And having a peer drop dead - perhaps because he misread one of those symptoms - makes it doubly so.

It'd be easy - too easy - to become completely paranoid about every little ache and pain.

Where does this leave me?

Yeah, I've been thinking about mortality a lot lately. I know when my time comes there's little I can do about it, but I'd like that time to be a ways off yet.

I'm trying to do the things I can to push that time out, but it's damned hard, particularly when so much of the advice is contradictory, impractical, or just plain naive. ("Just lose some weight!" - Excuse me - "just" lose some weight? If only it were that easy.)

So yes, while their deaths were tragic and too early, the reason they've hit me as hard has they have isn't because of who they were, but because of who I am.

Another 50-something, like they were, not ready to die just yet.

Like they did.

Update 07-Aug-2009: Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death - as horrible as that is, it helps. It's at least one way that his random death has less direct correlation to my life.

I want to thank Gene as well for sharing his poem and story. Debra's a familiar face to those of us who've spent any time in the Alzheimer's wing. I also have to echo Gene's characterization of the experience as both educational, and humbling.

Before I do, though, I want you to take a moment and think about the word "home". What images, what memories, what feelings does that word - home - bring to mind for you?

•

I'm the only child of what I've come to characterize as two fiercely independent Dutch immigrants.

When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's my mother viewed it as her responsibility to care for him - at home - until he no longer recognized her. You know that caring for a spouse with Alzheimer's is about as stressful a job as you can imagine, and it took its inevitable toll on my mom's health.

As she declined we made the difficult decision to find alternate arrangements for my dad. He spent several months in an assisted living facility, Sunrise of Bellevue, until he fell and broke his hip. (Fiercely independent apparently, among other things, means not always using a walker when you should.) Skilled nursing care was called for and we arrived at Providence Marianwood.

A phrase that I've used both times I've spoken here before is that my father was "content" at Marianwood. That's big. In fact, I can't tell you just how big that was. In my mom's last days it allowed she and I great comfort, such that I could help her knowing that my father was not just safe and well cared for, but content.

My mother passed away - at home - a week before mother's day, 6 years ago last week.

•

Alzheimer's spared him reliving my mother's death, and my father remained safe, exceptionally well cared for - and quite content - for the next four and half years.

As the child of an elderly resident there is a phone call that you know is coming. You don't know when, but you know that it's a call that you expect, and that you dread.

A little over a year and a half ago we got the call.

My wife Kathy and I packed up ourselves and our three dogs - frequent visitors to Marianwood, and these luncheons, themselves - and spent the last 24 hours of my father's life with him, in his room.

As I was there that night with my father I watched the activity around us. I watched the nurses and aids come in periodically to see not only if my father was comfortable, but also asking if we - including the dogs - were doing OK as well. I watched the other residents, many of them, like Debra, familiar faces by now, go to bed, get up, eat their meals and live their own comfortable lives in safety and in comfort.

It wasn't until much later that I realized something very important.

While we might want to stay "at home" - perhaps even die "at home" - home isn't a building. Home is where you're surrounded by people who love you and people that honestly and truly care about your comfort and well being.

Home is where you're content.

Even as you lay dying.

My father may have died in a building labeled Providence Marianwood.

But - like my mother - my father died at home.

And for that, I am eternally grateful to the people that work in a building labeled Providence Marianwood and turned it into his home.

•

My parents and I have been incredibly fortunate in many, many ways. Finding Providence Marianwood was just one. Not needing to rely on Medicaid or other assistance was another.

Not everyone is so fortunate.

I was surprised to read that nearly half of Marianwood residents have no longer have the financial resources to cover their care. And as we all know, Medicaid supplements simply do not cover the true cost of long term care.

I was once told by a Marianwood staffer that "we don't kick people out when they run out of money".

Indeed. You don't kick people out of their home.

And yet, that money has to come from somewhere.

That's where you, and I and the Providence Marianwood Foundation come in.

And it's why we're here today.

We're here today to show our support - yep, with cold hard cash - though I'm sure checks and credit cards will do too.

We're here today to help Marianwood continue to be a place where the people who live here are surrounded by people that honestly and truly care about their comfort and well being, and have the resources to do it.

We're here today to help Marianwood continue to be people's home.

In the past I've challenged you not just to double your donation, but to add a zero to it, since that's so much easier. And absolutely, I honestly hope that at least a couple of you here today will do exactly that.

But I also know that the economy is, well ... the economy.

But I need you to remember that it affects all of us - donors, residents and even Marianwood itself. In fact, the very reason you consider not increasing your donation is the very reason we absolutely need you to.

So I'll going to challenge you - right here and now - to tear up that pre-written check you came in with ('cause I know many of you did), or tear up the idea you had coming in, and write a new check for exactly twice the original amount. And further - fill in that card pledging to donate that same larger amount sometime during, or over the course of the next year.

I can tell you first hand the incredible impact that Marianwood has on people's lives ... not just their residents, but friends and family - like me - as well.

And I can also tell you that you can have an incredible impact on Marianwood's ability to be the wonderful, loving and caring home that it is.

Thank you.

This is the "Family Story" and "Ask" that I presented at the Elder and Adult Day Services luncheon on Februay 5th, 2009.
(Dr. John Medina of Brain Rules was the keynote speaker.)

I'm here to tell you some things that you probably already know.

Like my story.

My father passed away a year and a half ago at the age of 91.

And I know, that you know, which of the two had Alzheimer's.

You already know my story because you've either seen it, or lived it yourself.

My parents were Dutch immigrants, coming to Canada in 1952, and then to the United States with me, their only child, 8 years later.

Having survived living in an occupied country through World War II, they both developed a kind of strength that would be characteristic of their peers of that generation.

Being immigrants they used that strength to create a life of independence and self-reliance.

Once again ... you already know this story.

You know that it was my father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in the mid 1990's.

You know that it was my mother who took care of him.

You also know that ... independent and self-reliant to a fault ... it wore her out.

Taking care of my father was, to her, an important duty, a responsibility even. Her plan was simply to care for him until he no longer recognized her, and then ... well ... "we'll see", she'd say.

Unfortunately in a perverse race between his memory and her health, it was the memory of the Alzheimer's patient that outlasted.

In the year before she passed away, we began to realize exactly how much of a toll her choices were taking on her. We did manage to find some outside help in the form of some respite care. I was able to spend Thursday afternoons with her while my dad had someone else to be with.

You also know how this story ends.

It lasted about 6 months.

It was too little too late. The stress was too much. Her body simply wore out.

There are other things you already know as well.

You know that my story is decidedly not unique. The details may vary, but this story is being lived by families all over our region, every day.

You know that you've heard way too much about "baby boomers" of late. But you also know all that talk is based in truth: there is a wave coming - the need we're talking about here today is only going to get bigger.

And you're here because you know that the services provided by Elder and Adult Day Services is a critical part of taking care of the caretaker; taking care of the family; taking care so that they don't become, for lack of a better term, collateral damage in another perverse race against dementia or another debilitating condition.

And you're here because you know that not everyone can afford it.

And because you know what I'm about to ask you to do...

I'm going to ask you to support Elder and Adult Day Services.

Table captains, if you would, please pass out the pledge cards and envelopes.

It's traditional at this point in this kind of presentation to make a request for you to consider doubling your planned donation by both donating today, and also pledging to donate that same amount over the next twelve months. And of course I encourage you all to consider doing exactly that.

In my opinion the math is much easier if you just add a zero instead , and turn that $150 donation into a $1500 donation, $300 into $3000 or even more. I honestly hope that there are at least ... say ... three of you ... here today who will seriously consider the impact that this act of generosity will have on your community.

The problem is that there's something else you already know as well.

You know that these are tough times.

But please keep in mind that it's exactly because these are tough times that we need you to give more, not less. Funding - both private and government funding - is being affected by our tough economic times. If Elder and Adult Day Services is to effectively to serve the ever increasing needs in our community, it can only do so with your extra-generous and increasing support.

Please ... be generous. Please ... write down a really big number.

You know that it'll be put to good use.

And you know that it's needed.

That's the last day the shop was open. You can see we've already started to pack up, but the display cases and everything else are still in place.

During: just after moving out the display cases

This was taken a day or two after moving the display cases and other "big stuff". We rented a 16' moving truck with a lift gate. After 14 years of carting the display cases around we suffered our first major damage: the front doors of one case shattered when I took a corner just a little to fast and it ... uh ... fell over onto the counter next to it.

After: Jerome guards an empty store

Today we emptied and cleaned out the store the rest of the way. Left it for the last time.

Dolls and Friends Headquarters

And now, Dolls and Friends is ... temporarily at least ... operating out of our living and dining rooms. What you can't see here is (three car) garage that's currently full of display cases, dolls, stands, inventory, supplies and a bunch of other stuff.

As has been my tradition, it's once again time to clean the question barrel, so here are this year's collection of odd questions scraped from the bottom.

As always, every question is a real question I've received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each "answer" is the answer that I'd be oh-so-tempted to give... [Warning: there may be "bad words" in some of the questions. You've been warned.]

can u save levels in mario three for nintendo

Yes, I have several.

hi there r u single m8 i have no idea wat ur like

No, and besides, I now have a pretty clear idea of wat ur like.

Ok so there is this boy. and i hav liked him for a while. every one wants me to get over him just like that and move on. He is an ass and i want to get over him so bad but i dont know why i cant. and i also compare him to other guys. i mean there r so many other guys. what do i do??????

You go to a computer geek for relationship advice? You need more help than I can offer.

why is internet bad for little kids

It causes them to start dropping words and punctuation from their written communication.

advice on landrover freelander are they a good purchase?? second hand

You go to a computer geek for automotive advice? You need more help than I can offer.

I Have A Girlfriend Called _____ ____. I Want To Invite Her To My House But Im Afraid She'll Say No. What Can I Do To Make My Girlfriend _____ ____ Say Yes On Coming To My House?

Plaster her name all over the internet, and make sure to Capitalize Every Word when you do so.

I have a 24 foot box truck how do I find loads for it?

Back it up to your local political or governmental facility, and I'm sure they'll give you a load.

Why is the sky blue?

'cause it would look funny red.

how do i become a quick chenge artist? do i need special clothes or can i use my own? Can kids do it or not?

Look, Mr. Kent, we've been over this before; you start with a phone booth...

How to change toemail passward?

With a pedicure.

how many people can fit in one american football stadium? this is for my homework..... my teacher said to ask some one! hehe

Depends on who's playing. (Clearly she didn't say to as someone who cares. hehe)

what does a phychiatrists do?

Corrects plural confusion.

If there is a problem in the genes of the liver cells, will it effect the next generations ? Why ? ( answer needed )

You go to a computer geek for medical advice? You need more help than I can offer.

who in holbrook high school fancies me.

Hal.

who do u love.

My wife. (And maybe Bo Diddley, but still, George Thorogood has a certain appeal as well.)

hello sir,,,my name is _____ nd i am frm england..greater manchester.......i just wanted to know that i want to become an indian actor(BOLLYWOOD STAR).....nd i am 16 yrz old....i want to become a star as quick as possible.....so wer shall i go for advice,acting....nd am i sure they will accept me in the film industry??........thanks very much sir

You go to a computer geek for acting advice? You need more help than I can offer.

why cant i get a straight answer to how many states in the usa that still have the death penalty

Perhaps because the authorities are still trying to find you, and don't want you to pick the wrong state?

what happened to pluto?

A terrible accident involving Goofy, Micky, Minnie a saddle and a riding crop. Very sad.

What to do when youu think you are falling in love?

Keep thinking.

Will john become my boyfriend?

No, Arthur, he will not.

how to change rear strut on 1988 Mercury tracer?

I'd use a credit card and someone with a clue.

1) How can you add value to this position / Bank? 2) Give us a summary of your current achievements? 3) Where do you see yourself within 5 years from now?

You really want me to fill out your job application for you? Fine, just don't blame me with the job you'll get saddled with.

any natural way breast enhancement?

[Fill in your own punchline. Sometimes they're best left to the imagination.]

which famous people attended gianni versace's funneral in 1997?

Those that couldn't make other plans.

what is the Cancer Research Aims,Objectives and purposes? please answer my question i need it for my study. i am a business student.

You go to a computer geek for business advice? You need more help than I can offer.

ARE YOU DUMB?

Not as dumb as sumb.

how can I empty the gas tank on a 1992 Chevrole Lumina without taking that gas tank of the car

Drive it?

How much were the gladiators paid?

One life per victory.

wiring diagrame for a detached garage taken from the main consumer unit of the house to garage

You go to a computer geek for construction advice? You need more help than I can offer.

what is the capital of canada

Some would say Washington D.C.

why are sexy?

There is no why, sexy just are.

how old am i?

Obviously not old enough.

would a fan work in space like if u pluged it up and turned it on wat would it do please let me know

Of course it would "work". It would spin very fast and accomplish nothing. Not unlike many of these questions.

CLEANING STAINLESS COFFEE POTS

Ah yes, this year's bad haiku entry:

I spend my life time
cleaning stainless coffee pots
should 'a quit Starbucks

describe the atomic structure of a carbon atom, includong the electron energy level

You go to a computer geek for physics advice? You need more help than I can offer.

Lately I have been really down becasue I am very confused about my true love.I am not sure if he loves me or likes me.I havent told him the way I feel because I am scared of being rejected. How do I no if he likes or loves me at all?

Consult an internet psychic

how do microbes help us?

Well, normally they keep the riff-raff out, but clearly not in this case...

How many molecules of water are needed to completely hydrolyze a polymer that is 11 monomers long?

You go to a computer geek for chemistry advice? You need more help than I can offer.

On USA today 'photo gallery' - 'This week in space' page 2 it shows a supernova. It is in the Cassiopeai A system which is 10,0000 light years away. The artical states that the star went supernova 325 years ago. Question - isn't it unusual for light to travel 10,000 light years in 325 years?

You've clearly never watched Star Trek, have you?

how to create an electromagnetic pulse to disable all electronics.

Please, Mr. Jong-il, I keep telling you I can't help you. Maybe this person can.

What is the missing scene and the chapter in the novel named Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone

How did we know it was there in the first place? Clearly you do, therefore you must have taken it. Please return it immediately, as Ms. Rowling is in desperate need of another few million.

requirements to be a corporate controller

Knowing who to ask.

how many calories are in a 100g jar of hellmans mayonaise?

Too many.

what is my brothers name and are you gay
you are so stupid i hate you i know where you live and yes you are gay

My year wouldn't be complete with this old saw.

What kind of oil does a 1999 eclispe take

Um.... automotive?

I'm 24 and I began to experience marijuana after high school. I havent tried it in a year or so, does this mean I'm unable to learn computer programming? I want to persue my education in computer science. I'm fairly knowlegible of computer operations, but need to learn more; IS IT POSSIBLE?

From some of the programmer's I've known ... well, it's hard to draw any conclusions. All I can say is that testing continues. A lot of testing.

How can i be Expert in window Xp can u provide Me Ebook that consist every problem solution about Xp operating System

The internet simply isn't big enough for that ebook.

when did the leaning tower of Pisa start to sink

It's sinking?

Is it true deer and big game can't see green colored light?

I always thought it was headlights that they couldn't see.

what is the creation of the illusion of movement in a computer program by recording a service of imagesthat show slight incremental changes in one of the displayed objects and by playing these imahes back fast enough that the eye precieves enough movement.

About a century ago they called it a "movie", shortly followed by something called a "talkie".

Its really great piece of help.... it worked... Thanks for being so articulated.

Thank you. I do exercise and try to stay limber.

•

Thanks again everyone for 5 years. We'll see what the next one brings, in addition to the usual "are you gay" and requests for advice on topics I know nothing about.

Prior Years

• 2007: Those "Other" Questions

• 2006: Another year of odd ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn't See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?

It doesn't matter whether you believe in what's in it, of course, it's just that most folks have seen one. I'd wager that most folks have a reasonable concept of its size, even if only in heft or "thud factor".

I used it as an example way back when as I tried to convey some concepts to my parents. This disk? It could hold X bibles! And this connection here, we can send the entire Bible in Y seconds! Wow!

A random copy of The Bible, text only, from project Gutenberg (http://www.gutenberg.org) "weighs in" at roughly 5 megabytes.

With that as a unit of measure:

The USB thumb drive on my keychain? Over 6,000 Bibles. (6 KiloBibles?)

And the new hard disk I just installed?

186,000+ Bibles. Almost two tenths of a MegaBible.

Now doesn't that just sound way more impressive?

What is this:

It'll should bring a fond smile to true natives.

I'll update this post with the answer in a few days.

Yes, yes, I know that the two heavyweights in the Seattle marker, KIRO 710 and KOMO 1000 both claim to be news stations. And yet...

KIRO changed branding some time ago from "News Radio" to "News Talk" to finally reflect more accurately what they really broadcast: News and Talk. More of the later than the former, I'm afraid. Fair enough, at least they're honest about it. (And I'm a fan of the talk part ... if that's what I happen to be looking for.)

The real offender, in my mind, is KOMO.

The only? Perhaps.

All news? Hardly.

One of the most frustrating things is to hop in your car, turn on the radio, switch over to the news station and find ... baseball. Hours and hours of baseball. (Doublely frustrating when the other "news" station is in one of it's talk segments.)

Almost all news programming on KOMO is out the window during a Mariners game. Perhaps you'll get periodic updates during the hours and hours of pre-game, in-game and post-game non news programming.

But you certainly won't get normal news programming.

I love it when baseball season is over. Real news radio comes back, once again.

Anyone remember KNWX? KIRO's sister station was truly 24 hour news. A great refuge for information when other stations were off doing other things. Sadly it turned into KTTH ...

and more talk.

Indeed.

It made me realize that I'm really, really from Seattle, because:

I regularly shopped at Costco's flagship store until they built another closer to my home.

Yes, of course, I worked at Microsoft, before they took over the world too. (1983-2001, employee count ~360 to over 54,000).

My dad consulted for Boeing on a regular basis and his equipment was used when building the 747 in its early years.

I know that UPS started in Seattle.

And I know how to pronounce both "Puyallup" and "Sequim".

There's a bunch of local trivia too, but those would interest only those that live here. I may have one specific one in the coming days ... a test, of sorts, for the locals.

Already you can see where this is going.

I use Microsoft Money (I mean, I'd have to - I was development lead for version 3, after all). In the past the credit card site supported downloading in Money's "OFX" format and that worked great. The site "upgrade" appeared to have removed that - perhaps something about market share?

No worries. Money also imports Quicken's QIF file format, and that of course was supported. Except for one thing ...

Downloading the QIF, all the debits became credits, and the credits debits.

I called customer support, but since this was a technical issue someone would call me back in 24-36 hours.

3 days later I decided to take matters into my own hands. (This is the "geek is good" part). QIF is a text format, and I wrote a little sed script to reverse the sense of all the transactions in a QIF File.

For those so inclined, here 'tis:

s/^T-/T/
t
s/^T\([0-9]\)/T-\1/

I have no idea what an "average" person would have done in a situation like this.

But wait, there's more.

After I successfully downloaded everything with the correct sense, the account still wouldn't reconcile.

It turns out that if a transaction of the same amount to the same payee occurred more than once on the same day, the "extra transactions" are excluded from the QIF download. They're still on the statement and on-line display - and of course my bill - they're just not present in the download. Apparently someone decided that "remove duplicates" was somehow desirable in this case. (Hint: it's not.)

So after fixing the download through geeky machinations, and hand-entering the missing duplicate entries everything balanced at last.

Who know what'll happen after the next "upgrade".

[This post was created using a new email-to-blogpost technique. Any formatting issues are probably the result of that. I'll fix 'em. Eventually.]

It's been quite the ride, so far.

An interesting thing to watch as you age are your beliefs and opinions. Some solidify (into concrete, if my father is any indication), and others meld and morph and turn into things you never would be predicted at an earlier age.

I think they call it growth. But I could be wrong. Or you may not agree. Whatever.

So, using this half-century mark as an excuse, I thought I'd jot down a few things...

I believe...

I've received much more than my share of good fortune.

I believe...

In God, but I don't claim to know what he/she/it looks like or thinks.
I have no proof, nor any evidence.
God has a sense of humor. I hope.

The bible is A good book but not THE Good Book.
There is no single good book.

God didn't have a specific religion in mind.
You don't need to be a member of the right religion to be "saved", whatever that might mean.
God is or would be ashamed of most of what's done in his/her/its name.

I believe...

Evolution, like any science, should be taught in school.
Creationism, like any religious myth, should be taught in church.
Comparative religions should be taught in school, but without prejudice towards or against any particular flavor.

I believe...

I have no idea when life starts.
I immediately distrust anyone who says they do.
Women should have a choice. 9 times out of 10 that choice should probably be life.

Sex is inevitable.
Contraception is necessary.
Contraception should just be available. To all. Regardless of age, status, location, etc.
Contraception is not evil or against some god's will.
Contraception is not a replacement for education.
Abortion is not a replacement for contraception.

Most of the world needs to lighten up when it comes to sex.
Particularly the United States
TV and movie violence we are allowed to see is more damaging than the sex we're not allowed to see.

We have more important things to worry about then how two people should go about loving each other.
Let's stop them from hating each other first.

I believe...

People are basically good.
But there are some bad individuals out there.

"If you grew up where they grew up, and you were taught what they were taught, you would believe what they believe".
If more people understood and accepted that, fewer people would die before their time.

I believe...

The left lane is for passing.
Regular driving tests should be mandatory for all ages.
Driving is a privilege, not a right.
Drunk driving repeat offenders should be removed from the road. Period.
Even if that means removing from society after they've proven they can't be trusted.
Even three strikes seems too lenient. Pragmatic, perhaps, but still too lenient.

Most people can't actually comprehend large numbers - there'd be fewer lottery players if they did.

People fear what they don't understand.
Apparently there's a lot people don't understand.

I believe...

I'm a skeptic.
Well, I should say that all the evidence would indicate I am.

I believe...

50 is not the "new 40". 50 is 50.
Any age is exactly and only what you make of it.
Yes, "you're as young as you feel"
Some days I feel 20, some days I feel 90. So it goes.

I believe...

Illegal aliens are illegal, by definition. Prettying up the words doesn't change that.
Entering this country illegally is a crime. Hence, by definition, illegal aliens are criminals.
Perhaps we should be pragmatic, and consider making it easier to enter this country legally.
Abiding by the law is one way to garner the respect of those around you.

I believe...

Everything that's good for me tastes like crap.
Corollary: everything that tastes good will kill me.
Conclusion: Life is unfair.

I believe...

Planet Earth will heal itself from anything we might do to it.
... even if she has to kill every man, woman and child to do so.

I believe...

Personal responsibility is declining.
Personal responsibility is "inherited", and parents aren't passing it on.
Pretending to be a victim is an insult to those with legitimate problems.

Parenting is a noble job.
Many who are parents should not be. Ever.
It's OK not to have children. Really.

I believe...

Questioning the presidents actions and/or motives IS patriotic.
In fact, the ability to do so is exactly what the U.S. stands for. (Or stood for.)
Those we disagree with still have the right to speak, argue and lobby for their beliefs.
No matter how repugnant we may believe them to be.

I do not have a responsibility to keep you from being offended.
You have the right to be offended.
I have the right not to care.
You do not have the right to prevent people from offending you.

I believe...

Given my wife, my colleagues and my friends,
my roots, my parents and my upbringing,
my career, my abilities and my freedom,
my assets, my history, and my opportunities...

Yes. I've received much more than my share of good fortune.

I believe I am grateful.

So she's been waiting to release the new website design until more (all?) of the old content has been revised and moved. And of course, that's just an overwhelming amount of work - all those pages. It's a big deal.

So naturally, since it's such a daunting task, it's not happening.

My response? Just do it.

No, not the old content migration. That is an overwhelming task.

If she does that, several things happen:

• Perhaps most importantly, that "daunting task" of updating and migrating all the old content becomes a much less ominous series of smaller tasks that can happen as needed. Rather than being a big obstacle to a major change, they become incremental improvements to the existing site.

• The new site design becomes motivating. Rather than making changes or adding things that won't be seen "for a while" waiting for the move, every bit of work after the move takes effect and has impact immediately.

• Progress on "other things" that might have been waiting for the new site design can begin.

Yes, some information that's currently on the site might "disappear" for a while, or might look different. Heck, that's even a good thing! When people ask for such-and-such information that they can't find on the site, that a great indicator of the priority of old content that needs to be updated next.

•

Another very good friend and client of mine is also in the middle of a similar transition. His very large site was serious need of a redesign. So he hired a designer and got one. Then we set about to implement it.

Rather than waiting for that One Big Thing to be done, we implemented enough to make a portion of the website work relatively well, and then took it live. Then we did the same to another portion of the site, and took that live. We're currently working on a third portion of the site.

At each step along the way we not only made massive changes to the major portion of the site that we were working on, but we also made incremental improvements to the portions that were already "done" as we learned and tweaked and discovered various issues to resolve.

The bottom line is that the site is still a work in progress, but the majority is much better than it was before we changed, and everything that we do is work on the new foundation.

Now, to be fair, for the third portion of his site, this client is also saying "I need to move more of the content before we take it live". Turns out he doesn't. He could go live now and incrementally move content.

I gotta work on that.

•

So all this is to ask a question:

What One Big Thing are you waiting for?

And is it in your way?

Could you "just do it", even if it's not 100% complete, and would that unblock other things?

Be honest: are you using that One Big Thing an excuse to avoid whatever might come next?

Sometimes "good enough" can unleash a flood of forward progress.

As always, every question is a real question I've received via Ask Leo! within the last year, presented exactly as I got it (except that any potentially identifying information will have been removed). Each "answer" is the answer that I'd be oh-so-tempted to give...

[Warning: there may be "bad words" in some of the questions. Y'all been warned.]

Enjoy.

heyy can u send me lots of dolly magazinz

No. But I know a place where you might buy some.

I am M____ M____. My date of birth is 6th march 19__. I have attended an interview on __th A___ 20__. I am very keen to get this job. I have performed well in the interview. can you predict if I will get this job? I really want to know the answer to that.

If you think I'm the one to ask, then I wouldn't give you very good odds.

give a one mail ask

No, I give a one mail answer, you give a one mail ask.

what can i do to make my pimples go away?

Wait. Years if you have to, but just wait.

how internet changed the world?

From what I can tell, it has totally destroyed the English language; particularly grammar.

How can I ask a girl that I like out on a date? ps i hope that you answere me, i need advice

Pal, if you need to ask a computer geek how to ask a girl out, you need a lot more than advice.

i am turning 16 on the 27th of september and i was wondering if by law i am aloud to quit? do you no?

Yes. You can quit smoking, you can quit doing drugs, you can quit using bad grammar, and you can quit asking the wrong people silly questions. Ya no?

Is there a list of the $4 generic drugs

Probably. But it's $5 drugs that get interesting.

who discovered the television?

Millions of people "discover" it every day.

location of ac filter in a 1990 chrysler lebaron

Sorry. Car Talk I ain't.

am i going to live in london (asked 6 times in succession)

I hope so. Preferably without internet connectivity.

what is your name

Look at the URL, it has a clue.

i dont know where my clitoris is. ive looked everywhere EVERYWHERE. i cant find it. i looked under the clitoral hood but its not there! im thinking maybe im too young to have a fully developed one though but i dont know please help me!

No way am I going to touchanswer that.

Leo.... you inspire me, i wish i could be as big of a left nutted pussy with a bald scrotum. go with christ

Thank You. Indeed, you represent Christianity well.

what is christianity?

See the previous question for an example, I guess.

how long are female dogs in heat?

Jerome says "never long enough".

how can agricultural productivity be enhance in nigeria?

By redirecting all the manpower and effort that's being put into email scams sent to the rest of the planet.

is there school tomorrow for the northshore? Lostd of people do not know if theres school tomorrow and i promise to tell my friends! Please! (November 27, 2006)

Yes. Hope this answer got to you in time. (August 10, 2007)

when did the world begin

Any scientist will tell you that the world began at T(0).

plz can u give me some guidelines when u have a date.what do i say?

What is it with people trying to ask a computer geek for dating advice? It's just so ... wrong!

Is there any restriction to use the green ink pen? Who can use and who cann't? I think that only the gazatted officers can use?

I'm not gazatted, at least not lately, and I use one all the time.

DO U FINK IT WILL SNOW AGAIN IN SOUTH EAST ENGLAND

No, I don't fink.

WHERE IS BEYONCE? I`M FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

I'm sure she's not all that pleased either. If I were her, I'd be hiding.

How do we remove google?

The same way we removed Microsoft, I would assume. Oh, wait... darn.

windows is the psyware !

Yes! Windows has psychic powers!

wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A 120VOLT AND A 230 VOLT?

The loudness of the "OUCH!", and the number of swear words that follow.

I am asking you a question about Louis Riel. Which side won the debate?

Mackenzie, eh?

what was the percentage of childhood obesity in 1982 and in 1994? There was a significant change. Why is that?

You're surfing it.

Do you like cheese???Is santa claus real?

You got that backwards. I like Santa Claus, and cheese is not real.

do young people know how to create their own entertainment?

Apparently not.

If instructions require an average of 2.5 clock cycles to execute, how many instructions are available for each pixel?

It depends on the size of the pixel. A small pixel will need only a few instructions, while a large or extra-large pixel will require many. Don't even ask about Venti-pixels.

how do I change my actual address

Move?

what are three internal stimuli's on penguins?

Sorry, no penguin porn here.

How many peasants are there in bolden

More than you can count.

Y iz it that my brother girlfriend iz a hoe

He's dating a garden implement? Kinky.

what do you call the powerful current caused by conflicting tides around the shetland and orkney islands

Dangerous.

Why did my last boyfriend tell me it waz over

I keep telling you, it's all about the grammar and spelling. Boys love it when you can speak and spell proper English.

i want text my girl on my computer

I'm sure you do. Just clean up after.

i am viewing too much porn sites.

What is this "too much porn" you speak of? I don't understand.

should you have a child or a dog first

Yes.

do you think ainura will came back to me

Nope.

there iz a boy in my class called william do u think he would go out wid me he dose seam 2 keep smilein at me???

More asking for dating advice from a computer geek. Just be sure you know why he's smiling, ok?

my question was your first car ?

No, your question was not my first car.

who is sitting next to me?

No, Who's on first.

is today going to be a good thing or bad thing?

Probably not.

should i get revenge on bf? he has been with anyone who has a pulse but i loaned him money so ime keeping up the pretence i dnt know ime very bitter i trusted him and loaned him my life saving because i though he loved me i hav since found him on several sex sites he is paying be back slowly

It's good to hear you have a pulse. I'd avoid revenge, just to keep it that way.

what do i do after the writen part of a song like how do i make it a song like singing and stuff

Find someone who does "singing and stuff" I guess.

are fat pictures illegal

Hardly. If they were, it'd be the death of home photography and personal photo albums as we know it.

How do I pipe a girl

Again with the dating questions.... I hope.

Can you name all the places in the world that are to hot,to cold,to dry,to wet, to highor to scary.

Uh ... Fresno?

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT GUY

Probably only after it's too late.

Do you always have to STERILIZE canning jars before you use them again for canning?

Depends. How's your health insurance?

I have a Kohler riding lawn tractor. What does the letters OHV stand for, on the frount of the engine?

Sorry, the only Kohler I'm familiar with makes devices that you ride at home.

Have you ever smoked marijuana before?

Actually I have not. Unlike, it appears, many people who ask me questions.

plas dont send me any things

OK, I wan't.

What happens when your brain falls out?

See all the previous questions.

WHY DO SOME LEOS THINKS ABOUT SEX MOST OF THE TIMES?

Apparently my wife discovered how to ask a question, and then tried to disguise it with bad grammar. Nice try, dear.

•

Prior Years

• 2006: Another year of odd ones

• 2005: The Questions You Didn't See

• 2004: Ask me WHAT?